Archive for June 20, 2014

Sloppy Hoppy here we come.

Weather: Raining

Trail Conditions: No dust LOL

And we’re off.  At least I hope we still are.  Chub, Cindy, Becker and I are supposed to go for a little ride to Kenton today to go see Jane at Hoppys. I hope they are still up for it, I sure am.  What is a little rain when you have a side by side with a roof and windshield? That is why we pay $10,000 more than a regular ATV, so we can use it in weather like this.  I will post photos later on our Facebook page.

No time for jokes today, I gotta get busy.

Time for a Sloppy Hoppy Burger

Weather: Nice

Trail Conditions: Nice day for a ride

Supposed to be nice today and then rain the rest of the week by the forecast.  Don’t worry if you are headed up, the weatherman has not been right all year. Cooler with a bit of rain, couldn’t get any better for a side by side ride.  I am getting hungry for a Sloppy Hoppy burger.  It may be time to take a ride to Kenton.  I have to work today so maybe tomorrow.


Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa. “$10. a pill,” answered the son.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”

Chinese Doctors

Weather: Nice

Trail Conditions: Nice day for a ride

Another great day in the UP.  Now if I only had something to write about. How about a penis joke?

Chinese Sex………….

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Fall off by itself!”

Free Sex

Weather: Beautiful

Trail Conditions: Nice day for a ride

Well the weatherman did it again today too.  It is beautiful outside.  In fact so far the next few days look good. Not much else going on up here right now, sunshine and windy, so maybe it is a good day to cut grass.  AGAIN

Two good ol’ boys were driving down the road when they needed some gas. After a while, they saw a sign that read “Free Sex with Fill-up.” They decided to pull in and asked the attendant for a full tank. After he was done, they paid and the attendant started to walk away. 
“Wait,” the driver yelled, “what about my free sex?” The attendant rolled his eyes and came back to the car. 
“Okay, but you will have to guess a number between 1 and 10.” 
“No, the answer was 3. Sorry.” As the attendant started to walk off, the passenger asked to guess. The attendant agreed. 
“No, I told you the answer was 3.” The driver then sped off. 
“I think that game was rigged,” said the passenger. “There is no way to win.’ “Uh-uh,” the driver said. “My wife won three times last week.”

Sunny Day in Bergland

Weather: Beautiful

Trail Conditions: Nice day for a ride

Well the weatherman did it again.  It is beautiful outside.  He was wrong and it is our gain.

Hope everyone had a Good Father’s Day yesterday.  There was a sewing needle on the floor which I stepped on and put in in my foot about an inch backwards with string on it.  I couldn’t see if it was bent so I called Becker who was at the bar to come pull it out.  She was going 80 and a cop stopped her.  He let her got and told her to slow down.  (Thanks Officer)  When she came in she grabbed pliers and pulled it out with one yank.  Holy shit, that hurt, still does. I told her she was just like the little boy that pulled the thorn out of the big fierce Lion’s foot. I think they remained friends forever.

Three guys all think that their wives are cheating on them.

The first guy thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed.

The second guy thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.

The third guy says, “That’s nothing! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can’t believe my wife is screwing a horse.”

Where is the sun? Screw the Sun happy Father’s Day

Weather: Beautiful if you are a duck.  Wet and puddles all over

Trail Conditions: No Dust

I had to update my post today.  Seems like I forgot it was Father’s Day. I see a lot of people wishing their Father’s a Happy Father’s day up in Heaven.  My Dad is in my heart, and that’s where he is going to stay.

And another crappy day.  And another one tomorrow.  Well at least it will keep the mosquito population strong. LOL  We have to be getting ready for some nice weather up here, that’s right Mother Nature give us all the crappy days right in a row here and then let us get on with our Summer.  It will come, just hope I live long enough to see it.

Mom is packing up and going to brother Mark’s house for a visit, he lives in Proctor right outside of Duluth.  She is excited because she will be able to spend a little time with a few more grandkids and a great grand kid over there. Maybe I can shed a few pounds without Mom cooking me 3 meals a day.  Then again maybe I’ll just eat junk food like I usually do.

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!” “That’s right!” shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. “Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” he answered. Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?” Little Johnny replied, “A puppy!”

WTF is wrong with my apple

Weather: Beautiful

Trail Conditions: Got to be great

The track pad on my Mac went haywire.  I managed to get into an apple forum and one of the solutions was to hit the track pad hard.  I did it and so far so good.  Weird though.

My brother Mark, his friend Mark and their wives came over from Minnesota to spend the weekend down at the county park with my mom.  (good thing their names weren’t Darrel) I don’t think we could have asked for a better night.  We had a nice fire, cold beer, whiskey, Captain Morgan and brats.  It just doesn’t get any better than that.  Full moon and all.

A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living. Little Mary says: “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: “Johnny, what does your Dad do?” Johnny says: “My Dad is dead.” “I’m sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?” “He turned blue and shit on the carpet.”


The Porkies are pretty cool

Weather: Beautiful

Trail Conditions: No Dust

I took a ride with Mom yesterday and we headed up into the Porkies.  Pretty impressive if I say so myself.  Although I do have the Recreation Passport on both of my cars, we were in Mom’s car so I guess I was out of state.  Luckily it was 8pm and it was raining out so we kind of snuck through.  We drove up to Lake of the Clouds but Mom didn’t want to make the walk so I just pulled up the picture on the internet when we got home.

Lake of the Clouds is a huge draw during snowmobile season, I just wonder how many ATV’s we could attract if they could drive up there too?

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. “Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked. “My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied. “That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor. “That’s because he’s inside your cat!”

Guess what Becker did yesterday

Weather: Windy and Shitty

Trail Conditions: No Dust

What to write today?  I asked Becker if she did anything dumb.  She told me everything she does is dumb.  Being a smart husband that wants to eat today, I know better than to write anything about her.  But anyone that knows me, knows I am not to smart so……..Last night when we were in bed………..Never mind I’m hungry and I want to sleep in peace tonight too.

The weather has turned a bit goofy with wind, rain and cooler, It may be a good time to go out and get some Walleyes.  I hear a sudden change in the weather does make the fish bite.

One day at the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.” When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.” Little Lucy went next. “My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.”; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Next up was little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.” The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. “Well,” Johnny replied, “Don’t fuck with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.”


Little Johnny ain’t stupid………

Weather: Beautiful Again

Trail Conditions: Good to go

I got into the vodka yesterday so I got very little accomplished yesterday.  Oh well at least the grass got cut last weekend.  Becker was busy planting flowers in the front yard.  You can see them on our house web cam.  I hear it is raining down in Illinois, see you should be up here.  My brother Mark is coming over from Minnesota so Mom and Becker are cooking up a storm here getting ready. So I may put on a few more pounds over the weekend.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”