Archive for December 31, 2014

Holy -8 degrees Batman

Weather: Cold and a bit of snow this weekend

Trail Conditions: Best trails are still east of Bergland then north and south. Big improvement overall

Conditions are better and should continue to improve with the cold. We could even use a bit of snow. Trail 1 on the west shore is freezing up but is thin on snow in places. Possible snow this weekend will help things out. Trail 3 north of Bergland has been groomed half way to Rockland, I’m sure the Rockland club will be grooming the second half as soon as they can. It is hilly and rocky up there and they probably have water problems still. Trail 8 coming from Ironwood is rough, people have been riding the road, which is illegal, but so far I have not heard of anyone being ticketed. Just beware, it is not legal.

Overall conditions have improved greatly with the cold days and nights we have been having. Now we are back to needing some snow, which looks like is headed our way after January 3rd.

Have fun everyone and Happy New Year, if you are in Bergland we will have snacks and fireworks after Midnight.

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys.

So the boss met with both teams and said: “Here’s what we’ll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job.”
Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they’d put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted.
The boss asked, “Well, how many poles did you guys install?”
Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, “Sven and me, we got three in.”
The boss gasped, “Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!”
“Yeah,” said Ole, “but you should see how much they left stickin’ out of the ground!”

Colder than a Witches Titty

Weather: -6 degrees this morning FINALLY

Trail Conditions: Go east from Bergland on trail 8 than north or south

Conditions around Gogebic are about the same, but they should be improving shortly. Cold has set in and wet areas should start to freeze up. I say start because there is still running water in a lot of areas. Best advice I can give you is ask around to find out where the better trails are. You can find good riding up here, you just need to ask where to go. Or more importantly no where to stay away from.

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that 
the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a 
hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – Priceless.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine 
was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.

4. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, 
Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will 
grab whatever is available.


5. I haven’t verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit… A recent study 
found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men 
who mention it.


Snowmobile trails should improve this week

Weather: Cold

Trail Conditions: OK to pretty damn crappy

Had a great time at the bar last night watching the Packer Lion Game. I think most people had a good time. Even the Lions Fans. It was a close game for the most part, keeping Packer Fan’s on the edge of their seats.

We are finally getting the cold that we needed so bad. It is still going to take a few days to freeze up wet areas but we should see a big improvement as this weeks goes on. The best riding I am still hearing is taking 8 east out of Bergland to Kenton (stop by Hoppys and tell Jane I said hi) and then down to Watersmeet. 1 north to White Pine has also been good but not north of White Pine. Avoid Trail 8 between Wakefield and Bergland, if you are coming from the south take the southern route to Trail 2. Trail 3 North of Bruce Crossing has been ok to good for the most part if you are headed North. Trail 13 north to Rockland is not in good shape. Avoid trail 102 and trail 100.

I had a lot of people complaining about trail conditions. I am sorry that some businesses sugar coat or lie about the conditions of our trails right now but don’t complain to me. I report on what riders tell me conditions are. I knew conditions would get worse this past weekend with heavy traffic and warm temps. Most people that come in my place read my reports and know what to expect, but I talked to several this past weekend that were told conditions were a lot better that what they were.

The last few weeks I have heard or helped more people stuck in swamps or ditches than all the years I have been up here. My dryer is getting a work out for sure. Stay on the trail, lots of water out there.

3 Holy Men & 3 Bears

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist preacher and a Rabbi all served as
Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at
Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.

They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, went first.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.  So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He had one arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle !

I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD ! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah !

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He had broken arms and legs, was in a body cast and traction, with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”


Snowing now and getting colder

Weather: Colder temps FINALLY, new snow in the forecast also

Trail Conditions: Not too Good, and some totally suck

So far this year we have not been able to catch a break. Hopefully now that the cold is here for the next week and a half things will start to improve. Next weeks temps look awesome.

Riders yesterday didn’t have much good to say about trail conditions. Best reports came from Watersmeet area. Warm weather, wet areas and heavy traffic took its toll on everyone’s trails.

People need to stay off the r/r tracks and highways. I followed a sled going right down M-28 to the Walleye Lodge yesterday. Sleds have also been getting stuck coming off the Lake, jumping on the r/r tracks and then trying to get back on the trail in Bergland.

Two old guys, one 71 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. 

 The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

 The 71-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. 

The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies. 
So, on the way home 71-year-old stopped at the bakery.  As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. 
He said, “Do you have any rye bread?
“She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some? 
He said, “I want five loaves. 

She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.


He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this shit but me!!!


Trails held up better than I thought

Weather: Colder with a bit of snow in the forecast

Trail Conditions: Good to bad but cold is coming

Forecast and conditions are still the same. We are waiting for the cold Mother Nature.

1 north to White Pine was good, trail 8 east towards Ewen was ok also. If you are coming from Ironwood take the lower route to trail 2. 8 totally sucks I am told. Trail 3 north out of Bruce crossing was good. Lots of sleds around and the trails held up a lot better than I thought they would considering the temps. Conditions should start improving tomorrow through out next week. Most people up here are just happy to be riding, I think most knew what to expect.

I keep getting asked if the Lake is safe. Not too many people up here will tell you that it is, there are always dangers that can pop up out there. Ice reports have been 6 to 8 to 12 inches thick. Sleds have been running all over, but use caution if you wonder out there. Streams and creeks run into the Lake, and there is a lot of water in the hills.

A  man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course,  became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking  around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,  explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was  playing.

   She  replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must  be on the 6th hole.”

   He  thanked her and went back to his golf.

   On  the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with  the same request.

   She  said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on  the 13th hole.”

   Once  again he thanked her and returned to his play.

   He  finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady  sitting at the end of the bar.

   He  asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was  a sales lady and played the course often.

   He  approached her and! said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for  your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in  sales, also. What do you sell?”

   She  replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.”

   “No,  I won’t.”

   “Well,  if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”

   With  that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

   She  said, “See I knew you would laugh.”

   “That’s  not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation  H, so I’m still a hole behind you!

Gentlemen start your engines

Weather: Colder with a bit of snow in the forecast

Trail Conditions: Ok to bad but cold is coming

With Christmas 2014 in the books I guess snowmobile season officially starts today. Usually right after Christmas is when we start seeing tons of sleds. We are off to a rocky start and only Mother Nature will control our trail conditions from here on out. The next week and a half looks promising cold and snow wise. I know all of you would like to see us just get dumped on but we need cold and an inch or two a day, and that is what is forecasted. Traffic on the other hand will come into play. With most of Wisconsin and Minnesota with no snow I think people will be headed to the UP.

So with all the bullshit that I wrote above I think conditions will improve as we move ahead. For now I don’t have specific information, but as I talk to sledders the next few days I will relay it back to you.

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing:  

Husband : – My wife is missing.  She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant : – What is her height?
Husband: –  Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five feet tall.
Sergeant : – Weight?
Husband: –  Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : – Color of eyes?
Husband : –  Never noticed. Blue, I think.
Sergeant : –  Color of hair?
Husband : –  Changes a couple times a year . … . maybe reddish.
Sergeant : – What was she wearing?
Husband: –   Could have been a skirt or shorts.  I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : –  What kind of car did she go in?
Husband : –  She went in my truck.
Sergeant : – What kind of truck was it?
Husband :  –  Brand new  2014 Ford F150 King Ranch 4 X4 with 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission.  It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats, DVD with Navigation, 21 channel CB radio, 6 cup holders, 4 power outlets, custom “Bubba” floor mats, trailering package with gold hitch.  Put on special alloy wheels and off road Michelin’s.  Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.
The Sergeant took notes in detail.
At this point the husband started tearing up.    
Sergeant: – Don’t worry…….We’ll find your truck.

Merry Christmas

Weather: Getting cold after Friday

Trail Conditions: Go east from Bergland than north or south

Christmas hours

Christmas Day 2pm to 10pm

We hung in there the last few days with minimal rain falling, most came in snow. Not a lot maybe a few inches. After Friday the weekend and all of next week temps are lower teens for a high. It’s about time. 1 north to White Pine and 8 east are going to be our clubs best trails, heading south to Watersmeet or north towards Mass City should be good also. This weekend you should see a big improvement in conditions all over.

Merry Christmas from everyone at the Bay Bar.



Not a lot of good, Not a lot of bad

Weather: Cooling down after Friday

Trail Conditions: Go east from Bergland than north or south

Christmas hours

Christmas eve Noon to 10pm,

Christmas Day 2pm to 10pm

Not a lot of snow in the forecast the next week or so, but colder temps are.  That’s a good thing for us. i know everyone wants to see a ton of snow, but we really need the cold, and after Friday it is coming. This will help a lot. Guess I will see you all soon, Merry Christmas Eve

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. 
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 
‘Here’s what you do,’ said the Doctor, ‘stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.’ 
That evening, Bert’s wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.
He says to himself, ‘I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.’ Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ 
 No response. 
 So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, ‘Peg, what’s for dinner?’ 
 Still no response. 
 Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 
‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ 
 Again he gets no response. 
 So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ 
 Again there is no response. 
 So he walks right up behind her. ‘Peg, what’s for dinner?’ 
 (I just love this)??
 ‘For F*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!’

Trails suck, Christmas sucks, Santa sucks………

Weather: Cooling down after Friday

Trail Conditions: Go east from Bergland than north or south

Christmas hours

Christmas eve Noon to 10pm,

Christmas Day 2pm to 10pm

Catchy tittle, everything sucks up here right now. LOL Temps just are not cooperating right now. Neither is the snow. Things will get better, just a matter of time. Thing is none of us want to wait, November got us all psyched up and then December just let us down. Hopefully the rest of the year will be better. I’m sure we will still have a bunch up after Christmas, and we will make the best of it. Temps are going down after Friday so we will have rideable trails, and we do have more snow in the forecast.

I think trails for the most part will be ridable, conditions might be dependent on how many riders are up here.

Cold coming

Weather: Cooling off after today

Trail Conditions: Go east from Bergland than north or south

Christmas hours

Christmas eve Noon to 10pm,

Christmas Day 2pm to 10pm

36 degrees right now but that is the warmest it will be all week. Temps are going to fall and snow on the way. I didn’t talk to any sledders yesterday, but I am sure conditions are the same. Colder temps this week should help wet areas. 4-8 predicted this week from what I can see right now, then single digits for the weekend.

I enjoy the jokes you post so I thought I would share with you something that happen to me on a recent trip to southern Iowa.
Last week I was driving in Southern Iowa coming out of Fort Madison on Hwy 2 as I pulled in to Donnellson I drove by the local Nativity scene. I noticed that the Three Wisemen all were wearing firefighter helmets?
I pulled in to Casey’s general store for gas and as I went in to pay for the gas I said to the clerk behind the counter “I could not help but notice the Three Wisemen in Nativity scene were wearing firefighter helmets why is that?”
The clerk responded quickly” Well that’s what it says in the Bible!” I replied back that I was not a Biblical scholar but “I had never read anywhere mention of fire helmets”?  At that she pick up the bible from behind the counter went to the passage and said “say’s it right here Three Wisemen came from a farrr’er!!!!” with a Southern Iowa/show me accent!
Have a great Christmas Holiday! See you up there soon.