Archive for April 19, 2015


Weather: 50’s and rain today, snow tomorrow.

Trail Conditions: Grades should be ok.

What a crappy morning, but like my Dad use to say “at least I woke up on the right side of the roses.” We have about 5 days of crappy weather ahead of us, but it may be nice for next weekend. Looks like I need to look for a few more inside jobs to do. Our grass is turning green finally and all the ice is off Lake Gogebic, it will be campfire and fireside chat time soon. 1-3 inches of snow possibly headed our way on Tuesday, gotta love April in the UP.


During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. 


I described a typical day this way:


“Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk,

About 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain.


I waded along the edge of a lake.


I pushed my way through brambles.


I got sand in my shoes and my eyes


I avoided standing on a snake.


I climbed several rocky hills.


I took a few ‘leaks’ behind some big trees.


The mental stress of it all left me shattered.


At the end of it all I drank eight beers”.


Inspired by the story, the doctor said, You must be one hell of an outdoorsman!”




“No,” I replied, “just a shitty golfer”.



Weather: 60’s and sunny, snow next week?

Trail Conditions: Grades should be ok.

Becker stayed at the bar last night and finished shampooing the carpets. the place looks pretty good if I say so myself, well for a 93 year old building that is.

Right in the midsts of doing the bar this week I found out the offer we made on the house for my Mom on Lake Gogebic was excepted. How many 81 year olds do you know that move to the UP. I think that I am seeing another web cam in the near future. It will be a beautiful view, right down the whole length of the Lake. I couldn’t think of a better place to wake up each and every morning. Any takers by my Indiana friends of packing up a U-Haul in Demotte? LOL

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summon him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Ralph. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay, Go ahead.”

Ralph says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “No way! It’s a bet.” Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops. Ralph says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Ralph isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Ralph asks.

“I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.

“The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ralph’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.”Are you okay?” the auditor asks.”Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Ralph told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official’s desk and that you’d be happy about it.”


Weather: 70’s again than cold next week?

Trail Conditions: Grades should be ok.

Finishing up on the bar today, lots of little things to do. I’ll be glad to get the hell out of there, it seems like we been working on it a month, not a week, but that is probably because it has been beautiful outside. Now that the work is almost done it is time to turn crappy outside again, just my luck LOL.

Final pics of the floor and paint job



A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and
he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies. . .

Wait for it. .  
It’s coming. .
She says:
“You just happened to catch my eye.”


Weather: 70’s anyone?

Trail Conditions: Grades should be ok.

Another nice day, what did I do to deserve this many nice days in a row? Oh, that’s right, I have to work again at that damn bar, and can’t go out and play in the nice weather. Bummer, but the bar is coming along nicely, we finished the floor yesterday, now it is time to get everything else back together. I will be open at 2pm today, due or die. Something good is coming from Hilary Clinton running for President, Good Jokes.

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

“And what is your question, Kenneth?”

“I have three questions: First – whatever happened in Benghazi? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And, Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, “Okay where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

“And what is your question, Larry?”

“I have five questions: First – whatever happened in Benghazi? Second – why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth – why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And, Fifth – what happened to Kenneth?”

4-15-15 Happy Tax day.

Weather: Into the 60’s we stay.

Trail Conditions: Too early.

The new floor is kicking my ass. We should be done today, lots of details remain, finish up painting and putting the place back together. I’ll post more pics later today.

The Way Women Think

Husband’s Text Message to wife:

Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. 

Paula brought me to the Hospital. 

Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays. 

Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects.

Wound required 19 stitches. 

I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in

the left leg. Amputation of the right foot is a possibility. 

Love you…… 

Wife’s Response:

Who the Fuck is Paula? 

New floor going in

Just getting StartedIMG_0092


a little later


a little later yet



Weather: Into the 60’s we go.

Trail Conditions: Too early.

Underlayment is down, tile goes in today. I’ll try and post a few pics today. I should have took a few before pics, but the floor really looked like crap, but not for long. Warmer weather, 60’s today and the rest of the week, looks like spring has sprung.

Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two working girls
and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to produce an erection.

His depression is made worse by the fact that, 

from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of,

“Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE…UMPH!
Here I come again!
ONE, TWO, THREE…UMPH! Here I come again!
This goes on for the whole hour.


Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first,
“How did it go?”
The first mutters, “It was embarrassing.
I just couldn’t get an erection.”

The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?
I couldn’t get on the bed.!!”

Monday the 13th.

Weather: 60’s and windy. Goodbye snow and ice on the lake.

Trail Conditions: Too early.

Nice temps the week ahead, ice on the Lake is going out quick too. Spring might finally be in the air. It’s about time. We lost a ton of snow over the weekend, warm air and high winds just blew most of it away.

Hey my Iowa friends, get ready I hear Hilary is coming your way LOL. Here we go again, a year of bullshit phone calls telling you who to vote for, I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait till it is over.

The Brothel
  The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

‘May I help you, sir?’ she asked.

‘I want to see Valerie,’ the man replied.

‘Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else’, said the madam.

‘No, I must see Valerie,’ he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it toValerie, and they went upstairs… After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which dates back into the early 1800’s. But without hesitation he paidValerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man ‘No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?’
The man replied, ‘Billings, Montana.’
‘Really’, she said. ‘I have family in Billings.’
‘I know.’ the man said. ‘I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.’

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer



Weather: 70’s and windy. Goodbye snow.

Trail Conditions: You will have to see for yourself. I have to work.

The snow is no match for warm weather and wind, tune in to the web cams today and watch the snow banks just melt in front of your eyes.

I’m beat, crawling around on the floor painting is getting the best of me. Or could it be the bush lights while I am working that is getting the best of me LOL. The paint job is coming together, slow but sure, tile is going in tomorrow, well starting to go in anyway. We are going to be closed Monday through Wednesday, Thursday we will be opening with a new face lift.

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

  My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said ‘nothing’. The reason I said that instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she would have said ‘about what’. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

  Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?  Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.  Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.  A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “I think it would be nice to have

another child.”

  On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”

  I rest my case.

  Time for another beer.


Weather: 60 and Sunny.

Trail Conditions: You will have to see for yourself. I have to work.

Change in plans, no ATV ride this weekend. The guy doing the flooring in the bar had an opening next week so it is painting time at the bar.  Giving her a face lift, new floor, new paint, new ceiling tiles and new bar stools. Thank you snowmobile season, this was long overdue.

My Mommy, The  Dancer 
One day a  fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did  for a living.

All the typical  answers came up — teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor,  lawyer, and so forth.

However, little  Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher gently  prodded him about his mother, 

He replied,  “Well my mother’s an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes  in front of men, and they put money in her  underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with  some guy and stay with him all  night for money.”

The teacher,  obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to  work on some exercises and then took  little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, “Is that really true about your  mother, dear?”

Nope,” the boy  said, “She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be the next  President, but I was too embarrassed to say that In front of the other  kids.”