Archive for May 31, 2015


Weather: Sunny Today.

GRASS is the word for today, gotta get the yard at home done today. Sunny outside so it should be a good day to work in the yard.


  Subject:   As  We Age
The biggest lie I  tell myself is …”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember  it.”   
Wouldn’t it be great  if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free  and three sizes smaller!   
Last year I joined a  support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!  
I don’t trip over  things, I do random gravity checks! 
I don’t need anger  management. I need people to stop pissing me off!  
Old age is coming at  a really bad time!  
Lord grant me the  strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things  I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap! 
I don’t have gray  hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.   
My people skills are  just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.  
Teach your daughter  how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of  paper.  
If God wanted me to  touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees. 
The kids text me  “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”. 
I’m going to retire  and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second  week.  
When did it change  from “We the people” to “screw the people” ?  
Even duct tape can’t  fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!  
Why do I have to  press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t  understand anyway?  
Of course I talk to  myself, sometimes I need expert advice.  
Oops! Did I roll my  eyes out loud? 
At my age “Getting  lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there  for.  
Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree … that makes it a plant which means … chocolate  is   salad  !!!  


Weather: 50 and cloudy.

I had a good day yesterday, turns out my air cleaner was clogged on the lawn mower I think and it just flooded out the motor. Guess a little preventive maintenance would have avoided the problem. Good news is I had one on the shelf, just too lazy to put it on I guess. It was too wet to finish cutting grass so I just got a cooler of beer and sat in the garage down by the Lake at Mom’s house. Nothing better than sitting in a garage on a rainy day drinking beer. But I think I am going to need a screen to put in the garage door opening, Holy Mosquitos, I feed them pretty good yesterday.

The coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is?
What a team is?” “Yes, coach”, replied
the boy….
“Do you understand that what matters is we win or lose as a team?” The boy nodded in yes.
The coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dick head or ass hole.
Do you understand all that?” Again, the boy nodded yes.
And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb ass or shithead is it?”
“No, coach.
“Good,” said the coach, “Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother”!


Weather: Rainy.

Partly shitty and some rain too. But you know what they say, ” A shitty day in the UP is better than a sunny day any place else”. I gotta go check on the lawn mower today, it quit on me yesterday and being pissed I just walked away from it. Now it’s time to go check it out.

Not much going on up here, maybe I can try this for excitement. 


Weather: 80’s and sunny.

Now we are talking, beautiful today. What a great day to work on my honey do lists. Or maybe I’ll just cut grass. Lots of grass to cut.

An English tourist was driving through the South Island of New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep.

A few kilometers further on he came upon a small  town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.

He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, and then took a look around the bar. He immediately noticed a one-legged guy sitting over at a corner table, masturbating without a care in the world.

The English tourist turned to the bartender and said, “What sort of country is this? A few kilometers back down the road there was this guy having sex with a sheep and now that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone.”

The bartender said, “You heartless bastard. He’s only got one leg. How do you expect him to catch a sheep?”


Weather: 70’s and rain,getting warmer.

Rain again, go figure. Who cares, I have to work anyway. Lots to do around here, Mom’s house is going to end up just being a bunch more items on the Honey Do list, that probably won’t get done. This is going to be a hard one to juggle, Mom’s list, Becker’s list.

I have a correction from yesterday on the size of Geko’s walleye, Ernie said it was 28-30″, turns out it was only 25″, imagine that, a guy over estimating lengh by 3-5″.


Did you ever wonder why there are less white guys in the NBA?




Weather: 60’s and rain again.

Warm and rainy for a few days. That’s good, we have to water them mosquitos. It was a good weekend in the UP, Had Mom and brother Pat up, finished all the house closing stuff for Mom and she gave me a ToDo list of stuff to get done before she moves up for good.

Fishing has been getting a little better from what I have been hearing, Geko pulled this one in with Ernie manning the net. Ernie claims it is 28-30″ but didn’t have a tape with him. Damn I wonder what they do with them 14 & 1/2 inchers?



Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old.
The editor of the local newspaper sent a photographer to get some pictures of the 100 year old twins.  One of the twins was very hard of hearing.
When the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?””WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”, said the other. “Now get a  little closer together,” said the  cameraman. Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.” So they wiggled up close to each other. “Just hold still for a bit while I focus the camera,” said the photographer. Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS HE’S GONNA  FOCUS!” With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out, “OH LARD TUNDERIN’ JAYSUS! BOTH OF US???? — CAN I BE FIRST???



Weather: 60’s and rain.

Kind of crappy out side but what are you going to do, sit inside and drink beer maybe. But when drinking a beer today please remember why Memorial Day was started, to Honor those that lost their lives for our country while serving in our Armed Forces.

A nice video for Memorial Day



Weather: Overcast and warm.

Well looks like I missed a day. Sorry but Mom was here and I was a bit pre-occupied. The pic below is Mom in her front yard, about 4 more weeks and she will be waking up here every morning. We had a very relaxing weekend, went from not being able to close on Friday because of paperwork issues to issues being solved, closing taking place, then drinking beers on the deck with mom. Life does not get any better.






Weather: Beautiful, just fricken Beautiful.

Well as luck would have it, (or maybe no luck) a snafu in the paperwork is not allowing us to close on Mom’s house today. Total bummer, and no free beer at the party today. I repeat there is no party at Mom’s today.  Everything will work out though, the paperwork should go through next week, Mom was headed back to Indiana on Sunday to finish packing anyway. Looks like we will have to change it to a U-Haul unloading party on June 20th instead.


A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.


She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand to identify yourself?”

Not one hand went up … so she took them home and had fresh-cooked crabs for dinner.


There are two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as many folks think they are.


Weather: Beautiful, at least for the next few days.

Sweet, sunny outside and my Mom is on her way up to close on the house tomorrow. I am busy doing the important things like getting beer on ice and filling the boat with gas. We will be having a little open house Friday night if you are in the area just take a right on the end of Goose Lane, Party should start around 6ish.

Check out this cool link.