Archive for June 30, 2015

Last day of June

Weather: High 50’s.

All the way up to 57 today, why does that seem so warm in the Spring, yet if feels so cold in the middle of Summer? It must be our bodies telling us that it is just not right for this time of year. At any rate who cares, nice weather after that all the way through the weekend.

Mickey O’ Flynn worked in an Irish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.


Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months, the therapist gave up.

He advised Mickey to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.


The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Mary,

became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Mickey tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.


He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it,

and he was immediately fired.


Mary gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

She looked up and said,

“I don’t understand. What about the pickle slicer?”


Mickey replied,  “I think she got fired, too.”



Weather: Rain today maybe.

Had a good day yesterday, forecast called for rain all day, but it held off most of the day and we had a cool thunderstorm later in the afternoon. Mom really enjoyed watching the lightening over the Lake, no word yet on DSL at Mom’s house.

Not sure what is up for this week, wedding to go to over the weekend, John and Laurie are getting hitched. You all know Laurie from the Root Cellar.

This weekend is 4th of July, the summer is going fast. I gotta get my winter calendar going, I got your email Les and I’ll email you back as soon as I get your dates down.

I was standing at the BBB when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I asked  him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?”
He says “No, why the Heck did you ask me that?
Is it because I am Chinese?
Are you a racist?!” 

“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer, you little prick.”


Weather: Rain today.

A lazy day was had by Becker and I yesterday, boating on Friday kicked our asses I guess. Or maybe we are just getting old, or both. Today it is a cookout over at Mom’s house. I’m still trying to get internet hooked up over there, At&t says it does not exist, I told them the lady that lived there before had it, they are sending out an engineer to investigate.


A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning…. 

    Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. ‘Who’s been eating my porridge?’ he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair… He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. ‘Who’s been eating my porridge?’ he roars.Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, ‘For God’s sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

‘It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat’s litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

‘And now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once….

‘I HAVEN’T MADE THE F***** Porridge  YET


Weather: Beautiful day again.

What a great day we had out on the Lake yesterday. I’d put up a few pics but at the moment I have no idea where I put the cable for my iPhone. Or my pants, keys or my wallet, yep it was a great day. Stopped at Fish Tales for a snack, Becker ordered their raspberry and blue cheese chicken salad again, she said it was pretty damn good. We didn’t get back in till like 9:30 I think, only used 1/4 of a tank of gas. That’s a lot of fun for under $20.

I talked with the DNR at the launch, the CO told me fishermen were reporting about 20 small walleyes to 1 keeper, sounds like fishing improved a bit. May flies have been all over the place, one was even on the web cam down on the lake for a few days.

God went to the Arabs and said, 
‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’
The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’
And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’
‘Can you give us an example?’
‘Thou shall not kill.’
‘Not kill? We’re not interested..’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’
‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are.
We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’
‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said,
‘I have Commandments.’

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’
‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’  
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
‘I have Commandments..’
‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’
‘They’re free.’
‘We’ll take 10.’ 
Now that, should piss off just about everybody ! 


Weather: Beautiful day.

A great day for a pontoon ride. Ah just Becker and I and the open seas. Well Lake Gogebic a cooler and possibly a little hanky panky. I sure hope the water is warm LOL.

Great weather up here in the UP, thoughts and prayers to my friends down south in Coal City area, Tornadoes are for sure one thing I do not miss, a few people I know down that way had major home damage, but glad to hear everyone is OK. Quit your jobs and move up here, I did and have never regretted it. Who knows, I might even sell you the bar…..


Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried
to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was struck and killed.


Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners

what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in
disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one
hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily,
smeared with lipstick.


                      “What happened to you,” asked Hillary?


“Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the

wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me!”


“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Hillary.

  The driver replied, “I just stepped inside the door and said,


I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow.

The rest happened so fast I couldn’t stop it!”

A good Joke

A man get stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
Warden: your pet fish? How’s that?
Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: Well that’s just a crock of lies!!
Man: here I’ll show you… (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: well this I got to see!!
5 minutes later…
Warden: well??
Man: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where’s your pet fish??
Man: what fish??


Weather:Rain Day.

Rain this morning then sunshine this afternoon. Way to go Mother Nature, feed them mosquitos, we need a few more around here. LOL

Becker and I have a date tomorrow, pontoon and Lake Gogebic here we come.


Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase

You   Gotta   Be   Shittin   Me ?”  
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.  
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington ‘s boat.  It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.  
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern.  He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.  
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.  
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware .   Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.  
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.  He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.  
Another hour later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’  They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.  
What they didn’t know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.  
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman..
A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.  
Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men.  We are tired, wet, exhausted, and   desperately need warmth and comfort.’  
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, ‘Well, General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort.  How many men do you have?’  
Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .’  
And the Madam said, ‘You gotta be shittin me.’


Weather:70’s and Rain.

Rain today but who the hell cares. Gotta make a Sam’s run to Duluth to stock up on bar supplies. Brother Mark and I got Mom’s screened in gazebo up yesterday, so it was a nice night to sit outside with the rain coming down drinking a few cold bush lights. Not much else going on.

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says,

“Who was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But…. The decision is all yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Tony?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.


Weather:70 and Sunshine.

Hey Mother Nature it was supposed to rain yesterday, it turned out very nice instead. The days are getting shorter, only 5 months, 7 days, 16 hours and 5 minutes until the snowmobile trails open. Crap I have only been out 1 time on the pontoon and the side by side, I think it is time to start enjoying the summer. Becker and I have a date planned Friday on the pontoon, Hopefully that stupid ass “pontoon song” does not come on the radio Friday. Maybe we will stop at Fish Tales for a nice dinner and a few drinks.

But today it is grass cutting time, lots of grass between the bar and the house, Brother Mark cut Mom’s yesterday.




Weather:Rain and 70 again.

Last Monday I was flying down to pack Mom up. This morning she is headed to Ironwood to buy groceries, WOW what a week. It was a lot of work but her new house is really starting to shape up. Gonna be time to kick back and smell the roses pretty soon now.

I can’t tell you what has been going on in the UP, but today it is back to the grind. I gotta get back to work, I’m broke LOL.

Tom Miller sent me a cool video, cool ass pictures with American Pie from Don McLean Click here

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends those heart-warming bullshit stories.