Archive for June 20, 2015


Weather: Rainy day, good day to kick back, drink beer and watch my brother and nephew put stuff away at Mom’s house.

Thank you Becker, Dave and Brent for unloading the U-Haul. I went out for Pizza and when I came back most of the U-Haul was unloaded. Holy crap, they kicked ass.

Biggest problem we have had so far is finding the remote for the Sleep Number Bed. Thought we were going to get it together so Mom could sleep in her bed, no such luck. Oh well it will probably show up as soon as we order a replacement.

The Elderly Retired Veteran With A Smart Wife
Early one morning an elderly retired veteran just finished   a   piece of artwork he had been working on and yelled to his wife,
” Honey ! Come see what I created ! It’s an abstract panorama depicting the   six years of the Obama Administration ! ”
She yelled back, ” Flush the toilet Herman and come eat your breakfast ! “


Weather: Beautiful, just fricken Beautiful.

There’s no place like home.  Especially if you live in the UP, man I am glad to be back. 9 hours and 45 minutes from Mom’s house in Demotte In. to Bergland driving a U-Haul and pulling her car on an auto transport through Chicago with fricken road construction every which way we turned. Not too bad, and we took 41 and 45 north most of the way. Nice scenery and a different way to go.

That’s about all for now, here is a funny for ya……..

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”


Weather: Who cares, I just want to go home.

A day ahead of schedule down here in lovely Indiana, now to just get Mom and me home. The lady at the liquor store told me Bush Light is a premium beer down here, how screwed up is that? I sell it cheaper in the bar than it cost in the liquor store down here. I guess if that is the only thing I have to bitch about I am doing pretty good.

The plane ride down was interesting, smallest plane I was ever on. 4 hour delay in takeoff but not Ironwood fault, bad weather in Chicago had things backed up. Kudos to the Captain who kept pushing Chicago to let us leave. The airport cooked us pizza because we were so late. Only in the UP my friends.

Well it is 5am and I have been up for an hour,  came to brother Pats to sleep last night in Portage, hard to sleep when you got lots on your mind, as soon as everyone wakes up it will be back to Demotte to finish loading and then UP bound.


Waiting at the Ironwood Airport, plane is delayed because of weather in Chicago. Nothing to do but wait. Damn, the parking lot is filling up.




Weather: Looks like a crappy week ahead.

Good time to leave the UP, crappy weather this week, oh wait, it is going to be worse in Indiana where I am going. No better time to get Mom packed up and get her the hell out of there.

I will not have internet access this week so I guess you can say I am taking a vacation from the web site.

While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests, tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contractedMongolian VD.  It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US and we know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure.  We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror,  “Absolutely not!  I want a second opinion.”

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice.  Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.  Vewy ware disease.”

The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do?  My American doctorwants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.  “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. 

Make more money dat way.  No need amputate..!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor.  “Wait two week.  It faw off by it self.”


Weather: Cloudy and 70’s again.

Tequila last night again too. I had a good time yesterday putting a hurt on a bottle of Patrone with My Uncle Dale. He also sent me home with some hot ass chili he made. This morning has not been pretty, I think the chili was hotter coming out than it was going in. Time to pack and get read to Fly to Mom’s tomorrow in Indiana to pack up the U-Haul and move her into her new house. By next Sunday we should be grilling steaks out on her deck.

This is why people don’t trust Senior Citizens
The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.
The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, “Yes!  Could you please taste this for me?”
Being I’m a senior  citizen…I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.
He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?”
The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL  NO!!!”
So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s such a relief!  My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!”
Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don’t care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!


Weather: Cloudy and 70’s.

Tequila last night, big head this morning. But what fun it was kicking back in the garage listening to tunes and drinking away. What a gorgeous night it was, it doesn’t get any better than that up here. Well if Becker didn’t have to work we could have been out on the pontoon.

Well I gotta go in and work my 2 hours this morning, then it will probably be back to Mom’s sitting in the garage drinking some more of those cold bush lights.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!

Irish cop says,”License and registration, please.” 
London Lawyer says, “What for?” 
Irish cop says,”Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” 
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”


Irish cop says, “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please” 
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?” 
Irish   cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration,please!” 
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” 


Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.” 
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.  
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down? “


Weather: Sunny and 70’s.

Big Mable was delivered by UPS today, now all we need are Rug Rats to take out on the Pontoon. Big Mable is a 2 person towable, not that we can go tubing behind the Pontoon, but it is 2 extra seats. I worked on the garage at Mom’s yesterday while Becker swam in the Lake and cleared rocks from the shore. I think the garage got christened too LOL. PS don’t tell Mom.

For your enjoyment



Weather: Cloudy and 70 again.

Weather looks good for the weekend, a great time to be in the UP. Not much going on though, getting ready to go down to Mom’s and get her packed up and drive the U-Haul to her new house. I’ve heard of a few more bigger Walleyes being caught, by bigger I mean over 15″, there is talk of possibly lowering the minimum size limit to 13″ like it was some 20 years ago. 

I am at a loss on what to write today, all I can say for sure is that not much is going on up here right now, boring or uneventful some may say. But to me it is Peaceful, That’s the way I like it.


A BLONDE JOKE THAT YOU’VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE .. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, ‘Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!’ The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ‘Well, little lady, why don’t you go give it a try?’ The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator. Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration . .. “Sonofabitch!! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!” .


Weather: Cloudy and 70.

Forth of July week is coming soon. And that means a huge rug rat party. Sounds like the grand kids are all coming. So Grampa Tom had to go buy water toys. Rafts, towables, hopefully the weather will be nice. Mom’s house will get broke in right with 8 or so of them running around.

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife’s’ teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up.