Archive for September 30, 2015

9-30-15

Weather: Did we have a frost.

30.6 degrees at 5am today. Hopefully the colors will get a kick in the ass. Them damn cluster flies too. Next weekend is our Grouse Tournament, $40 a team, includes a hat and some munchies after 6pm. I’ve heard the grouse are kind of scarce this year, be interesting to see how many are brought in. Hopefully I make it all day this year, during last year’s tournament I think I came down with a bout of Vertigo, all of a sudden I was dizzy as hell and couldn’t focus on anything. Even watching TV made me dizzy. Weird stuff, it has happened to me a couple of times. And no, I was not drinking.

Today is the last day of September, 62 more days until the trails open, holy crap, it better start getting colder.

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!” 

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”. 
 
Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret?” Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.” 
Husband to wife – “Today is a fine day.” 
Next day he says: “Today is a fine day.” 
Again next day, he says same thing – “Today is a fine day.” 
Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband – ‘Since last week, you have been saying “Today is a fine day”. I am fed up. What’s  the matter?’  Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day.” I was just trying to remind you.

 

9-29-15

Weather: Cool but nice.

Another Packer win in the books. Congrats to all the Packer fans. Busy day today, getting rid of pop cans and getting Charter internet at Mom’s house today. Time for another webcam.

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.” The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now concentrate… what is two plus two?” The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?” “Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

9-28-15

Weather: High in the 50’s this week.

Fall is in the air. We hay even have a frost or two this week. We had a hell of a summer, I am sure everyone will be complaining as the weather turns, but who could possibly complain about this summer. And speaking of Packer Fans LOL, Packer game tonight, hopefully Rogers and the rest of the crew can pull their game together. They have showed good promise but have also played less than so so at times. But 2-0 is 2-0 and sometimes it is better to be lucky than good. Hopefully we see them pull it all together tonight and have a great game against the Chiefs. (So Sorry Kim and Dale)

 

 

Sgt. Schultz’s long lost daughter has been found.

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9-27-15

Weather: Sunny today.

Happy Sunday, all is well in Bergland town, sunny out, leaves are starting to turn, and temps are still above normal.

Getting Mom set up with internet next week so I should have another nice camera view of Lake Gogebic.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said “Who owns the big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do….Why?”

 

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

 

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.” Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.

 

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

 

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”

“Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!”

9-26-15

Weather: Back into the 70’s.

Internet is fixed. TaDa…… You don’t know how much you rely on this crap until you don’t have it. I have been having problems for a few weeks now, seems as though it was a bad power supply. Hopefully now everything is OK.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’  He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.  The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
 
 
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‘You talk?’ he asks.
 
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
 
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After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’ 

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so… I told the CIA.  In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.  I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…  But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.’

 
‘I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’  
 
‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’ 
 
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The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.                  

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’ 

‘Because he’s a Bullshitter. He’s never been out of the yard.’ 

9-25-15 9pm

Weather: High 60’s and humid.

Fricken Internet still. Doing a report sucks when the internet is down more than it is up. Charter is coming today though.  So no jokes today……..

9-24-15

Weather: Rainy, but nice.

Fricken Internet.  I been down since last night, and I keep going up and down this afternoon. Charter is sending someone out tomorrow. Maybe they will send my bill a few days late LOL.

Went down to Crystal Falls yesterday with Mom, we had a good ride and a good meal at Kermits in Iron River. Friendly folks and great food.

A guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, “May I help you?” The man says, “Yes, I’m in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the window.”

The desk clerk says, “I’m sorry sir, but that’s a personal matter.”
The man replies, “Listen you idiot. The window won’t open… and that’s a maintenance matter.”

9-23-15

Weather: Cool, but nice.

Had a nice ride to go pick up Mom yesterday. Now everything is back to normal. I seen 4 dead deer on the side of the road drive through Wisconsin, not one in Michigan dead on the side of the road. Guess Michigan deer are smarter.

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9-22-15

Weather: 60’s today.

Crap, no rain. I was hoping for rain today. Going to pick up Mom and if it was raining I figured I could average another 5-10 mph. At least it seems like you don’t see as many cops writing speeding tickets in the rain.

Gonna get on the road here shortly, plan on meeting brother Pat just north of Chicago, I don’t really want to go into Illinois after last Sunday’s game. LOL. I did hear that all the NFL teams playing the Bears the rest of the year are hoping Jay Cutler has a speedy recovery.

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

9-21-15

Weather: Sunny.

Monday Funday. Yea right. Well at least the Packers won. IN fact they looked pretty good. How bout them Bears though. Why the hell don’t Chicago try to get a quarterback?  Oh well at least the Bears set a new record yesterday. Most points every allowed at home. Monsters of the Midway……..OK I better shut up before I LOOSE MORE CUSTOMERS LOL. Truth is, I haven’t liked the Bears every since Mike Ditka let the Refrigerator Perry run in a touchdown in the SuperBowl instead of William Perry.  So there you go, I haven’t been a Bears fans since 1986.

Mom closes on her Indiana condo today, what a cluster down there, closing was delayed 3 weeks. But today is the day.

Polish boys?                            Weight Loss … 

Stanley Kowalski is drinking in a Detroit bar when  he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for  everybody in the bar because his wife has just produced a baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but Stanley just shrugs,  “That’s about average for Polish kids.  Like I said, my boy’s a typical Polish baby boy.” 


Two weeks later, Stanley returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? 

Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?” 

 

  The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.” 

 

  The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born. ” 

 

  Stanley takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans toward the bartender, and proudly says,

 

“Had him circumcised.”