Archive for November 30, 2015

11-30-15

Weather: Mild temps.

Well I informed Becker that she is only getting 1-3 inches instead of 3-5 inches. She is not happy at all. If act she says it keeps getting to be less all the time.

Looks like a mild start for the beginning of snowmobile season, the bay has started freezing over but temps are just not cooperating yet. Every year it seems we have our share of challenges, this year will be no different.

By no means was I trying to encourage anyone from coming up tomorrow to go for a ride, don’t do it, you’ll be disappointed.

Sex After death
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come
back and inform the other if there is sex after death. 
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. 
True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can 
you hear me?”
“Is that you, Frank?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
” T hat’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast
and then it’s off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex
a couple of more times..

Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have
sex the rest of the afternoon. 
After supper, it’s back to the golf course again.
Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much
needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”

“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona .”

11-29-15

Weather: Mild temps.

I have looked all over for snowmobile trail reports and it seems no one is reporting anything. No good news is no news at all. Well I guess I can give you my “nothing but positive” report anyway.

It does not look good at all for opening day. Although I am sure that won’t stop a few folks from trying it anyway. They always do LOL.

We do have 3-5″ forecasted for Dec 1st. If you wanted to ride from Bergland to Ewen or maybe go see Jayne for a Sloppy Hoppy, you might be able too depending on what falls from the skies Tuesday. Going North, South or West from Bergland will probably be impassible. And you would only be able to go East if we get dumped on.

Although this does not sound good, I think we are still in better shape than we were a year ago. Last year we got 90″ of snow between November 8th and the 20th. Snowmobilers were excited and my rental was booked solid thru February. As December came I think I only had 9 days for the whole month that people showed up. Last December was a disaster, all that wet snow just melted down and made a mess of things.

Our conditions right now are not too bad, all we need is cold weather and then snow, snow, snow.

Just hang tight for now and be patient, the cold will come and so will the snow, it just does not look like it will be here this week.

Check out my calendar and book a date, I don’t charge if we do not have snow to ride.

I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck. Go figure–  it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85 .    I returned it to the dealer yesterday because I  couldn’t get the radio to work .
 The service technician explained that the radio was  voice activated.    “Nelson”,  the technician said  to the radio.  The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”  “Willie!” he continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.  Then he said, “Ray Charles!”, and in an instant ” Georgia On My Mind” replaced Willie Nelson.
 I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time  I’d say,  “Beethoven”, I’d get  beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles”, I’d get one of their awesome songs.
 Yesterday,  some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my  new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid  him.  I  yelled,  “Asshole!”
 Immediately the radio responded with,  “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.”  Damn I love this truck!

11-28-15

Weather: Cold today

Temps need to get lower, you can see on the web cams that the east end of the bay is starting to freeze over, but as you go west, in front of the Walleye Lodge is still open water, one of the locals had pics up on Face Book of him ice fishing out by the Bergland dock and reported 2 inches of ice. Someone has to be first I guess.

3-5 inches is forecasted for opening day, Tuesday, but I wouldn’t get too excited as of yet. We just need cold weather.

 

Dr. Geezer’s Clinic…

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

 

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr.Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”

 

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer’s clinic.  

 

Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”

 

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!” 

 

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back.That will be $500.”

 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

 

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

 

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

 

Dr. Young:  “Oh, no you don’t,  — that is Gasoline!”

 

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back .  That will be $500.”

 

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. 

 

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak    —  I can hardly see anything !!!!

 

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, ” Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

 

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!

 

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back!  That will be $500.”
 

Moral of story  —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

 

11-27-15

Weather: A little cooler today but, the next week is not cooperating. High temps are in the mid to high 30’s for a high. We need to get a lot colder for things to freeze up around here. Be patient my sled head fans, winter will come.

Thanks Giving Day Football was not good if you are a Packer fan. Hats off to the Chicago Bears, they held on to win the game. Poor Aaron Rodgers could not do it all by himself, the Packers had a chance to win but the receivers could not come up with the catches. For my Lions Fans, I bet turkey dinner was especially good for you, congrats on your win.

Thanks to Woodchuck who sent me this link. Pick a year and see the songs that were popular when you graduated high school, or lost your virginity. The Nostalgia Machine I didn’t graduate and I still have my virginity so I just picked a random year.

 

 

11-26-15

Weather: Cooler with 1-3 inches on the way.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Snow on the way this afternoon. Not much but it is still snow. My cameras are running again on weather underground, today I think we are going to put a tree up in front of Mom’s web cam.

Lots of football on today, Packers and Bears at 8:30 tonight. I’ll be there at noon to open up for the Lions game.

Things You Can Say At Thanksgiving and Get Away With

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It’s Cool Whip time!
4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!
18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it’s ready?

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

 

11-25-15

Weather: Warmer again today, 40 degrees. YUK

Happy Thanksgiving Eve. 40 degrees today, but snow possibly tomorrow. Only 29 more shopping days till Christmas. Only 5 days till the trails open, time to get some fricken snow…….

The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. 
After receiving the papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, “Your Holiness, we have an offer for you. Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily coffee.’

The Pope responds, “That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed.”

“Well,” says the Starbucks man, “we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million.”

“My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it must not be changed.”

The Starbucks guy says, “Your Holiness, we at Starbucks respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer: We will donate $500 million – that’s half a billion dollars – to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily coffee. ‘Please consider it.” And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

“There is some good news,” he announces, “and some bad news. The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million.

“And the bad news, your Holiness?” asks a Cardinal.

“We’re losing the Wonder Bread account.

 

11-24-15

Weather: Warmer again today.

I forgot to mention football yesterday. The pic below is from Brother Mark’s house. I see Minnesota colors, at least one Packer shirt, but most importantly, a “Sleds of Anarchy” shirt from Bergland Bay Bar.

marks house

poem
A Fishing Story
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.
He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was absolutely no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once, because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area.”
The king was polite and considerate, but  replied: “I hold my palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages.  He gave me a very different forecast.
 I trust him and I will continue on my way.”  So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.
The King and Queen were totally soaked…… and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the
weatherman at once!
Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about weather forecasting.  I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So the king hired the donkey.
 

And so began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government,  and …occupy all its highest and most influential positions ….and which later became the official symbol for the Democratic party.

 

Thus ends your Bit Of Knowledge for today.

11-23-15

Weather: Warmer today.

one week from tomorrow the snowmobile trails open. Well technically they open anyways. Mother Nature is not doing her part at the moment. Although we are off to a better start than last year, even though it looked better on the cameras, there was so much water underneath the snow I think it took until February for everything to freeze. My clothes dryer got a workout last December. The Groomer went through between Bergland and Wakefield, and who can forget the “Yamasub”.  We just need a little patience and wait for Mother Nature to get off her lazy ass and do what she needs to be doing this time of year.

 

IMG_0774

This pic is from November 22, 2014IMG_0736

After my Prostate Exam, and after the Doctor had left, the nurse came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn’t want to hear….

She said….”Who Was That?”

 

11-22-15

Weather: Cold this morning.

Yesterday’s weather report only called for an inch of snow from what I seen. Then we get weather alerts saying 8-10 inches. Well we got more than originally forecasted. Probably at least 6″. And only 10 degrees this morning. This year is starting out better than last year, we need the cold, only time will tell if we have enough snow for Dec 1st, we will need a lot more cold for wet spots on the trails to freeze up, but running the r/r grades on the 1st is starting to look more promising.

Hot rods, guns and new wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks-up,     
 “Honey, I’ve just been thinking… now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time
out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars along with your gun collection.”
Tom gets a very concerned look on his face.
She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife,” he said, calmly.
 “Ex wife?” She screams, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME  YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
Tom smoothly replied, “I wasn’t.”

 

11-21-15

Weather: Cold weather hanging on.

Looks like we are going to spend another day below freezing. Yesterday’s forecast was teasing us with 8-12 inches for next week, now it is only calling for 1-3. Who knows when we will get our first big one?

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:           

 
 
 
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York .. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a uneventful flight.  So, sit back, relax, and… OH…MY GOD!”
Silence followed…………………...
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!”