Archive for February 29, 2016

2-29-16

Weather: Cold till Saturday.

Trail conditions: Better. 

If you find a Polaris rear seat bag on South Boundry Road I have the guys info to get it back to him.

Not sure what all trails got groomed so far but 102,1 North and 8 east are in a lot better shape. Traffic has slowed way down and that will help also. Want a last ride? Get your asses up here before the weekend. Traffic will probably determine how long trails hold up. We are going into the higher 40’s by Sunday. At least that is what is forecasted right now. The Fat Lady may be on the horizon.

We are now the new official home of the Fukowee Tribe.

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No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, We’ve got to give it back.
Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?
Sally said, No.
Jerry said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.  
One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.
Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …….
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, Were outta here!

2-28-16

Weather: Taking a turn for the better.

Trail conditions: Hopefully taking a turn for the better. 

If you find a Polaris rear seat bag on South Boundry Road I have the guys info to get it back to him.

We will have to wait and see, conditions are better, colder and snowing now. I’m not saying shit till I hear it from riders.

The Legend and Otis want to give a shout out to Don Lupinski, “Dumb Ass”

I was supposed to give another shout out the other day. It was on a napkin and I lost it. (Think I blew my nose in it actually) Email me and I will still do it.

Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.

 

We’re Jewish,” she asks, “Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? 

 
Thelma’s father thinks a bit then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“The whole Isis group,” she says. 
  
“Why them,” her father asks in shock?
  
“Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.  And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to them, they’d love everyone a lot.  And then they’d start going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and how they didn’t hate anyone anymore.”

 

Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. “Thelma, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. ”

“I know,” Thelma says, “and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of them.”

 

2-27-16

Weather: Shitty.

Trail conditions: Shitty. 

If you find a Polaris rear seat bag on South Boundry Road I have the guys info to get it back to him.

Everything around here is junk according to riders. I can’t predict what conditions are going to be. I have been wrong this year more than I have been right. Don’t know what else to say.

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey, and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked “What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding.”
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
 
Later they passed some people who remarked “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk”.
So they decided they’d both walk.
Soon they passed some more people who remarked “They’re really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to        ride.”  So they both decided to ride the donkey.
 
They passed some people who shamed them by saying “How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.”
The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.
 
Have a nice day

2-26-16

Weather: Warm up tomorrow.

Trail conditions: Better. 

Update: 1:30pm Trails are not any better, gonna get worse before Sunday.

Richard Read, I got your check yesterday and I gave the cask to Nick for Snowball Cancer. Thank you very much sir.

Sorry about closing early last night to those of you that stopped by. Becker was not feeling good and I was running on 3 hours sleep.

Riders were reporting better conditions out there last night. I heard they have another groomer going so we should be in a lot better shape today. But look out tomorrow, temps may get close to 50. Traffic is heavier than I thought too. If traffic is heavy tomorrow things are going to get ugly. Temps next week are looking pretty good though, and we even have snow in the forecast Sunday and Monday. It could turn out to be the best conditions we have all year next week. The second week of March, we will just have to wait and see.

Some people have taken the letter I received a lot differently than I did. I appreciate that person taking the time to do so. And I know I have blown trail reports this year. Sometimes things just didn’t work out like I thought they would. Guess I was trying to be an Optimist.

ATT00144

2-25-16

Weather: Warm up for the weekend.

Trail conditions: Ours are Poor.

The lost wallet I put on the web site yesterday was returned, the guy who found it even picked up the money that was scattered all over the Lake. Pretty awesome of somebody to do that. 

I received the letter below in the mail today. This was only the first page. The second page basically said every other trail they rode was a lot better than Lake Gogebic’s Trails. What bothered me the most is they took the time to write a hand written letter and quote what I said on those days. I go by what I am told in the bar, and sometimes it is hard sifting through what I am told. I also take for granted at times that with temps getting colder our groomers will be out and improving conditions. Sometimes I blow it, and by this person taking the time to mail me a hand written letter and looking back on my web site and quoting what I said, I can’t believe anything but I totally blew it. The letter was dated 1-31-16 and I just opened it today. I apologize for not seeing it sooner, I been a little busy. Please do not see this as an excuse, it is totally my fault. You wrote that I will not go out of business by you and your friends not returning to our area. Although that may be true, I take what you wrote very seriously, and I thank you for taking the time. Your letter did not fall on deaf ears. Hopefully you will give us another chance some day.

If anyone else would like to share their riding experience this year email me at tom@berglandbaybar.com

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With that said temps for the weekend do not look good. 46 degrees for a high Saturday is going to suck. Next week has 20’s for highs and in the teens at night.

 

2-24-16

Weather: Warm up for the weekend.

Trail conditions: POOR TO GOOD.

The lost wallet I put on the web site yesterday was returned, the guy who found it even picked up the money that was scattered all over the Lake. Pretty awesome of somebody to do that. 

I fell out yesterday and came home and went to bed. Sorry but I did not talk to any riders about trail conditions. I talked to Becker this morning and asked her what she heard, but now I am more confused than ever what to write. My best guess is we are not in too good of shape. The cold temps we were supposed to have are warming up for the weekend, early next week we have snow forecasted. Hopefully temps will stay down and we have a few weeks left. Just have to wait and see.

Reminder: People you can not ride M-28 with your sleds, cops were giving tickets to those riding the highway. Also loud pipes are going to get you a ticket. We have lost trails do to excessive noise from sleds, the DNR is serious about ticketing for noise.

After getting all of Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I’d really like to drive today.’

“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

‘Who’s going to tell?’ asks the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms. (Remember, the Pope is Argentinian,)(and Fangio the famous racer was Argentinian.)

“Please slow down, Your Holiness,” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’, moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches; but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph.

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that. He’s really important,’ said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, ‘All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘ A senator?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The President?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!

2-23-16

Weather: Colder temps after today.

Trail conditions: POOR TO GOOD.

The lost wallet I put on the web site yesterday was returned, the guy who found it even picked up the money that was scattered all over the Lake. Pretty awesome of somebody to do that. 

Riders reported poor conditions around Lake Gogebic yesterday, I heard we may have a few groomers down. Head over to Watersmeet/Sidnaw area, they are being reported as very good condition. Ontonagon trails were also in good shape according to riders.

Reminder: People you can not ride M-28 with your sleds, cops were giving tickets to those riding the highway. Also loud pipes are going to get you a ticket. We have lost trails do to excessive noise from sleds, the DNR is serious about ticketing for noise.

MY  PRIVATE PART DIED

An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

 

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was
anything wrong.

‘Yes, Nurse  Tracy ,’ said Mr. Wallace.

 

‘My Private Part died today, and I am
very sad.’

 

Knowing her patients were a little
forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,
Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.’

 

The following day, Mr. Wallace was
walking down the hall with his Private
Part hanging out of his pajamas.

 

He met Nurse Tracy. ‘Mr. Wallace,’ she
said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down
the hall like that.  Please put your
Private Part back inside your pajamas.’

 

‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr..
Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my
Private Part died.’

 

‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy , ‘you did tell
me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?’

 

(You’ve gotta love this.)

 

‘Well,’ he replied, ‘Today is the viewing.’

2-22-16

Weather: Colder temps.

Trail conditions: Getting better.

Lost wallet between Bergland and Ironwood, Ben from Beaver Dam Wi. If found please call the bar and I will put you in touch with him.

Are the groomers on strike?, Do they groom around here any more? Can I get money back on my trail sticker? Lots of comments yesterday on trail conditions. High temps, rain and heavy traffic are not a good combination. The groomers were not able to go out for a couple days because it was too warm. Sorry folks but you need to understand, we cannot control the weather. When the temps get into the high 30’s the groomers will do more harm than good. I am the last one to make excuses for conditions, but last weekend was beyond our control.

The good news, temps are back down and groomers are back out. Today’s conditions should be a lot better. The rest of the week (except for Tuesday) temps are all below freezing with a chance of an inch or so here and there. Trail conditions should be good this week and heading into the first week of March.

Reminder: People you can not ride M-28 with your sleds, cops were giving tickets yesterday to those riding the highway. Also loud pipes are going to get you a ticket. We have lost trails do to excessive noise from sleds, the DNR is serious about ticketing for noise.

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN’T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”, AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” I THOUGHT… WELL, THAT’S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN’T SAY A WORD, SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT. AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID, “GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O’CLOCKAND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, “YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET’S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME.” I SAID, “THANKS JANE, THAT’S THE GREATEST TH ING I’VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET’S GO!” WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN’T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY. ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, “YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY… WE DON’T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?” I RESPONDED, “I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?” SHE SAID, “LET’S GO TO MY APARTMENT.” AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, “BOSS, IF YOU DON’T MIND, I’M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I’LL BE RIGHT BACK.” “OK.” I NERVOUSLY REPLIED. SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE… FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. AND I JUST SAT THERE… ON THE COUCH… NAKED.

2-21-16

Weather: Below freezing and snow flurries.

Trail conditions: Probably Poor.

Trails sucked yesterday but that didn’t stop riders. It was a grin and bare it kind of day I guess. Today it is back below freezing and snow flurries are coming down as I write. Nothing in the forecast for snow until Tuesday, but we can hope. I know one of the groomers was going to try and go out after midnight last night, they should be out today trying to smooth things back out. By the end of this week lows are back into the single digits, winter is not over yet folks.

Reminder: People you can not ride M-28 with your sleds, cops were giving tickets yesterday to those riding the highway. Also loud pipes are going to get you a ticket. We have lost trails do to excessive noise from sleds, the DNR is serious about ticketing for noise.

A middle-aged frumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

“I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the man. “Yet I just heard you close the deal for $65, 000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.”

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the middle-aged couple and gave them the keys.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I would get the dope to reduce it. See you later, dad.”

Never mess with the old ones!

2-20-16

Weather: Temps cooling off tonight.

Trail conditions: Need cold and snow.

Well we survived the rain, now bring on the cold. Or at least cooler temps. Temps will cool down later tonight and we even have a chance for a little snow. Be careful out there, it is going to be icy if you are on a sled or just walking.

Reminder: People you can not ride M-28 with your sleds, cops were giving tickets yesterday to those riding the highway. Also loud pipes are going to get you a ticket. We have lost trails do to excessive noise from sleds, the DNR is serious about ticketing for noise.

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden  seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.  After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

 
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
 
About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.  Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.
 
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. (Try to get a mental picture of this.) Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.
 
The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them……I just never saw one mounted and framed.”