Archive for April 30, 2016
Another sunny day. I’ve been a little busy the last few days. Went to Wausau to pick up Miller’s truck, bought an atv to work around Mom’s house and most importantly got Mom a patio set for her deck. Now all I need is for my brothers to come up and use that atv to do yard work.
Couldn’t find a good joke for the day, orry gotta run, taking Mom to Duluth today.
Had a big OPPS yesterday, I went to Wausau to pick up my truck and thought I had Kristie working, looking back at it, I may have talked to her about working but unsure of the day, or maybe she forgot. OPPS. Sorry to anyone who came by the bar yesterday, I guess I owe you one.
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Vicki is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
‘You need a piece of tail. ‘
I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!
Weather: 50’s and sunny as far as the eye can see.
Beautiful day for a ride, going to Wausau today. Had the truck I bought shipped up to there. As much as I wanted to go see Tom and Holly in Missouri, I just didn’t want to drive for 25 hours in 2 days. Found a reasonable place to ship it up most of the way.
It looks like our weather has taken a turn for the better, nothing but sunshine ahead for 10 days, Walleye season opens May 15th, and I can almost taste a the Sloppy Hoppy I am going to have after taking an ATV ride out to Kenton.
Spring is here folks, come up and see us……..
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can’t just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, “What’s 2+2?”“Ummm… 4!” the blonde says.Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: “What’s the square root of 100?”“Ummm… 10!” the blonde says.“Good!” the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. “OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?”“Ummm… I don’t know,” she admits.“Well, you can go home and think about it,” he says, “and come back later and tell me what you’ve figured out.” He figures that’s the last he’ll see of her.The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.“Not only did I get the job,” the blonde says, “but I’ve already been assigned to a murder case!”
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “How much?”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball.”
The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, “$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again!”
We need the rain, April showers bring May flowers you know. Gonna be nice the rest of the week, in the 50’s. Becker is down in Florida with Tammy, they are enjoying 80 degree weather. You can have Florida, it is not for me. 80’s may be good for floating around the Lake on a pontoon but I wouldn’t want the heat they get in the Summer.
Getting around the time to take the side by side for a ride, another week or two and they trails will be dried out. I’m dying for a Sloppy Hoppy.
I am not going on a road trip to pick up the truck I bought from Miller, found Nation Wide Transport and they are shipping it up for a couple hundred more than what I figured it would cost to drive down and get it. Too bad, I was looking forward to seeing Party Cove.
“Well,” said the big Croc, “What have you been eating?”
“Politicians, same as you,” replied the small Croc.
“Hmm! Well, where do you catch them?”
“Down the other side of the swamp, near the parking lot by the Capitol.”
“Same here. How do you catch them?”
“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!”
“Ah!” says the big Crocodile, “I think I see your problem.
You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.
A little bit of snow on the ground this morning. We got a few cold days ahead of us, Spring will be back, maybe in a month or so.
Other than the weather and watching the ice float back and forth on the Lake nothing else is going on around here. Boring as hell.
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate’s been hit by a car.
Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he’s bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.’
Operator: ‘What is your location sir?’
Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .’
Operator: ‘How do you spell that sir?’
Silence…. (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: ‘Are you there sir?’
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: ‘Sir, can you hear me?’
This goes on for another few minutes until….
Operator: ‘Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?’
Paddy: ‘Yes, sorry bout dat… I couldn’t spell Eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to Oak Street .’
Weather: Can’t make up its mind.
It is hard to complain about the weather, 50’s is probably normal for us right now. It is just them nice days that really get you spoiled. Sunshine and lollipops everyday. Hey we have snow forecasted for next week.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why!”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me!”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident!”
7. My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about!
“8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone!”
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!”
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”
12. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”
14. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home!”
15. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
16 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!”
17. My father taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me!”
18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up!”
19. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father!”
20. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
21. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand!
22. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
Weather: Not Very Nice today.
Weather is back to Shitty. Looks like it is going to stick around a while too. Probably for the good, nice weather tends to bring out the bush light and tequila.
Ice is pretty much gone off the main part of Lake Gogebic, the north end and the bay still have plenty though. Hopefully by the weekend we will see water, Mom is getting anxious.
After the accident, late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.
He opened his eyes. He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms,
a breathing mask on his face, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him.
He realized that he was obviously in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse was kind and attractive.
She gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then spoke to him slowly
and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable,
“You may not feel anything from the waist down.
“Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel just your tits, then?”
AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
Weather: Very Nice today
Weather great, don’t have to work today great, beer is cold great, hot dogs on the grill tonight great, Mom had 4 deer in the yard this morning great, Becker is in Florida great. Everything is great. What a fantastic day to wake up in the UP.
Years ago, GM made automobiles in Flint, Michigan and you couldn’t drink the water in Mexico. Now, GM makes cars in Mexico and you can’t drink the water in Flint, Michigan..