Yesterday was May 1st and I received my first of many mosquito bites of the summer. Oh what a joy, too bad the little bastard didn’t bite me the night before when I probably had more tequila in me than blood, that would have served him right. Let the fun begin.
We had a nice weekend, done a little yard work at Mom’s, actually just drank a lot and burned up brush that was laying around. Something about a fire that makes you drink. Needless to say not much got done yesterday.
The Rabbi’s Salary
The local Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.
Mike Jacobs, who owns several car dealerships in the area, stands up and proclaims: ‘If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new BMW every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!’
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Cohen, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, ‘If the Rabbi will stay on here I’ll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for his children!’
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Goldberg, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, ‘If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex.’
There is total silence.
The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: ‘Mrs. Goldberg, whatever possessed you to say that?’
Agnes’s 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
‘Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ‘fuck him!’