Archive for June 17, 2016


Weather: Sunshine.

Taking the Brothers, nieces and nephew out on the Side by sides today. We rented a couple 4 seaters from Timberline so we are off to get a Sloppy Hoppy. It has been way too long since I seen Jane’s smiling face, Hoppys here I come.

Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?’

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. ‘Well, Hunter, it’s called sexual intercourse.’

‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, ‘OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandpa, it isn’t called sexual intercourse, it’s called bunk beds and Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.’

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Weather: Sunshine.

Hi ho Hi ho, it’s off to work we go……The brothers and I are making wood today for Mom. Well 3 of us are anyway, the forth brother is slowly making his way up here from Indiana. Come on brother Pat, hurry up, the work is almost done.

We even got the garden in at Mom’s house.


While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, “Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?”
“Why yes John, that would be nice.” said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck.
All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh .
When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, “Hey Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?”
“Oh no John, “said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey Marie” said John and asked, “Would you like a smoke?”
“Oh no John” said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?” Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his
car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn.  He’d struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
“Hey Marie” said John, “How would you like to stop at this motel with me?”
“Sure John, that would be awesome” said Marie.
Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. He whipped a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the
motel and checked in with Marie.
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed. “What have I done? What have I done?” thought John.
He shook Marie and she woke up. “Marie, I’ve got to ask you one thing” said John. “What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”
Marie said, “The same thing I always tell them. You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time!


Weather: Gloomy.

Rainy today then nice weather in our future. Middle of June and Becker and I have yet to take a ride on the side by side. I think we need to get our priorities straight. Maybe next week after my brothers are gone we can get our act together. It has been way too long since the Commander hit the trail.


As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, “You have any a problem, you come and see Mama.”

Later, Marol’s husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!”

Mama reassures Marol, “Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

But when Marol’s husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!”

Mama reassures her, “He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

Finally, Marol’s husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother’s room, shouting, “Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!”

Her mother gets up and announces, “Stand back, Marol — this is a job for Mama!”


Weather: Gloomy.

I started to do the blog today and noticed I never hit publish on yesterday’s post. OPPS. So I guess that means today you get a double dose of my bullshit. Worked at Mom’s yesterday putting up a screened in porch. Man am I ever aching today. Gotta work at the bar today though so the Brothers are on their own. While Scott, Mark and I have been busting our asses at Mom’s the last few days, Brother Pat has been out in Vegas, splashing around in the pool and golfing. Every family has got to have one I guess.



A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.  She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.  He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.


 Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?”


 Not one hand went up …so she took them home and ate them.


 There are two lessons here:


  1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.


  1. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folks think.



Weather: Gloomy.

Overcast for the next few days, what are you gonna do. Guess it is a good day to build a screened in porch for your Mother with your Brothers. I would video it and post it but you would never stop laughing, yep it is the blind leading the blind.

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
‘Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?’, Ole demanded.
‘Well’ she said, ‘you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.’
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, ‘For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..’…
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. ‘Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers Why not?’
She replies, ‘I can’t afford any on the money you give me.’
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, ‘For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear”!
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it..
‘Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?’ She too explains, ‘You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.’
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, ‘Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb…. Tidy yerself up a bit.’


Weather: Sunshine.

Maybe a little rain later but who cares. We took a ride on the boat last night. Beautiful night for a ride. Got to get the boat worked on though, I am not sure what is going on with it but I am only getting 9 miles an hour out of it.

Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.
“What’s the matter?” Bob asked.

“I’ve been transferred to Detroit – I’ve heard the people are crazy there. They’ve got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation.”

Bob replied, “I’ve lived in Detroit all my life. It’s not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It’s as safe a place as anywhere in the world.”

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, “Oh, thank you. I’ve been worried to death. But if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.”




Weather: Sunshine.

What to do today? Or where do I start? Maybe I should write down all the shit I should be doing a separate pieces of paper, put them in a hat, then pull one out and just do it. Or maybe I’ll just open a Bush Light.


Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” says his mom, “Of course not.”

After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, “It’s OK, we can keep playing!”


Weather: Sunshine and lollipops.

Beautiful weather in the UP as far as the eye can see. Sucks you are not up here enjoying it with us.

I will probably get hate mail for posting this one but I don’t care, I am not a Democrat or Republican, I just thought this was funny as hell.  Truth is we are all getting screwed but if all we do is sit back and bitch and not get involved, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
The  NEW Democratic Symbol – no more donkey.

The  Democratic Party today announced that it is changing its symbol from the donkey to a condom because it more accurately reflects the Party’s  political stance.

A  condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.
  Damn,  it just doesn’t get more accurate than that!


Weather: Gloomy.

Wasted days and wasted nights……. That’s what it has felt like around here the last week or so. Really we can’t complain though, the weather has really been nice. Now it looks like we have a nice week ahead of us weather wise.

Last night Becker and I went down to buy a tee pee or two, actually we only bought one, I came home with most of my money.



Weather: Rain again.

Another fruitful weekend, got grass cut, cans sorted, gutters cleaned and got laid. All while drinking a few bush lights. (wonder what else I did)

We didn’t get much rain in April or May but we are getting it in June. That’s good though, it helps out the mosquito population. We need that.

During a lull between the speeches at the recent White House
Correspondent’s dinner, Michelle Obama leans over to chat with Joe
“Ya know, I bought Barack a parrot for his birthday. The bird is so
smart, Barack has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred
“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” says Joe, “but, you do realize that
he just speaks the words — he doesn’t really understand what they
“Oh, I know,” Michelle replies, “Neither does the parrot.”