Archive for August 16, 2016


Weather: Beautiful day.

Yesterday was one of the nicest days in Bergland in almost 3 years. Why was yesterday so special you ask?

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They finally started to clean up the grocery store. Bergland received a grant from the state of Michigan and clean up work started yesterday.

I ended up having to go to AA, which is ridiculous. First thing they tell you to do is stop hanging around with other alcoholics. Well, so I stopped going to AA.


Weather: Beautiful day.

Going to pick up mom this morning before I go to work. She went to Duluth last weekend for the Great Grand Kid’s Christening. I am meeting brother Mark in Ashland so I gotta fly.


Isn’t it amazing how cigarette smoking is becoming illegal, but marijuana’s becoming decriminalized? Do you know that in a few years I’m going to have to pretend I’m getting high in order to enjoy a Camel Light? I’m going to have to take the filter off, twist the ends up — ‘For the next hour and a half, act like my I.Q.’s dropped 80 points.’


Weather: Cloudy day.

Gloomy here today, but the temps are cooling off for a couple of days and I am going to sit back and enjoy it. The sale for the bar is going slow but it is going. It should be done by fall sometime. Les and Shelly are eager to take over, for Becker and I it is kind of bitter sweet. On one hand it will be nice to kick back and take it easy but on the other we will miss all of you guys. I will stick around and help as long as they need me, but I won’t be there like I have been during the past winters late at night 7 days a week. Maybe I can get a few hours in on a bar stool bull shitting though.


A shaggy dog tale that makes your day

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $20 and a note in the dog’s mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.”  Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He barks repeatedly.

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again & again.

No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”

The owner responds, “Genius, my arse. It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”


Weather: Rainy day.

Opps I missed a day. Becker spent the night before last down at the garage. Nice and cool and the rain on the metal roof reminded us of camping, with a little extra room. Yesterday i cooked eggs, hash browns, sausage and french toast. (don’t tell Becker I ordered from Antonios) We didn’t make it home until after 1pm so I totally blew off the trail report yesterday. Had to pamper momma for a day.

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Weather: high 80’s today.

Hot and sweaty today. Going to pick up Becker today, think I may need to stop at Taco Bell and get a Triple Double Crunch and Munch.

A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. 
The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot,  and cold things cold.’ 
‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing…..I’m going to buy it!’ So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. 
Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked? 
‘Why, that’s a thermos…. It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,’ she replied.. 
Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’
The blond replied……’Two popsicles & some coffee.


Weather: Back into the 80’s.

Hot weather is back in the UP.  Maybe it is not hot compared to where you are at, but this is the UP, it is supposed to be sunshine and Lolly pops all the time, not hot and humid.

I am going to Iron Mountain tomorrow to pick up Becker, her surgery went well, she is just not a good patient. In fact she has no patients. But hopefully she is all healed and ready to come home.

Hall of Fame game canceled last night. Oh well I was never a fan of pre season games anyway. The coaches use these games as practice, but the fans bitch when they do not win, it is just too soon for football anyway, did I say it is going to be 80 degrees yet?

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. ‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her. 
‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied. 
‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’ 
‘No, silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants…
I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’
‘So then?’ asked the doctor.
‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’
‘So then?’
‘Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: ‘This is going to make a loud noise.  So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.


Weather: Cooler.

We never got a rain day yesterday. 80% chance of shower too. The life of a weatherman, they are wrong more than Becker thinks I am wrong. And that’s alot.

Wedding Ceremony
At a wedding , the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.
It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace 
The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward?  What do you have to say?” The woman replied, “We can’t hear in the back.”


Weather: Rain Day.

Gonna get rained out, maybe a sit in the garage and drink beer day. Yea, like I really need an excuse.

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Dime Box, Texas. for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. 

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. 

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. 

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.


Weather: Beautiful.

Happy August everyone, been a while, sorry but I did not have internet access. Becker had surgery Monday to remove a saliva glad from her neck, every thing went well, but the recover was rough on the old girl. Becker is getting better each day, just not fast enough for her, she is the worst patient,

I had a bad experience at the Burger King in Iron Mountain. I bought an Ultimate Breakfast and when I went back to ask for syrup and butter they told me they were out. Why would anyone sell you pancakes if the are out of Syrup? Or maybe we need to raise their pay to $15 an hour?

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole; I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?”

The second hunter says,” I don’t know. Let’s throw somethin’ down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”

The first hunter says, “Hey, there’s an old automobile transmission over there.
Give me a hand, we’ll throw it in and see.”

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up.

“Say there,” says the farmer, “You fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you ?”

The first hunter says, “Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumped . . . headfirst into this here hole!!”

The old farmer said, “Naw, that’s impossible . ..

I had him chained to a transmission.”