Archive for December 22, 2016

12-22-16

 

Weather:Mild temps.

Conditions: Poor to OK to good north.

Oddly enough the sledders I’ve talked to said conditions are OK. Plan your rides accordingly if you are coming up. From Bergland to Bruce Crossing and then north is pretty good. 3 out of the next 5 days we have 1-3″ forecasted. I’ve heard in the Bay the ice is 5-8″ thick, but please don’t ask if the Lake is safe, it is never totally safe.

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to bring the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather tentatively. “I would like it infrequently “, she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, “Is that one word or two?”

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

12-21-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Be careful coming off the Lake at the Bergland Park. Boulders line the parking lot and will be covered with snow soon. The DNR is marking this area this week. 

Weather:Mother Nature is giving us the middle finger.

Conditions: Poor to OK.

These are the days I would rather just skip writing a report. You can probably find good riding north of here but around Lake Gogebic it is not going to be good. A few days ago we had -11 but Mother Nature is sending that west of us and sending us above freezing temps and only a little bit of snow.

Please be careful about what you buy online. If you buy stuff online please check out the seller very carefully. 
One of our club members just lost $ 500 plus tax on a penis enlarger. They sent him a magnifying glass.
The instructions that came along with it were,
 “DO NOT USE IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT”

12-20-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Be careful coming off the Lake at the Bergland Park. Boulders line the parking lot and will be covered with snow soon. The DNR is marking this area this week. 

Weather:Mother Nature is giving us the middle finger.

Conditions: OK to Good.

Well the 8″ I promised Becker on Christmas day is going to be more like 1-4″ and she might get nothin for Christmas. Bummer. We have a bit of a warm up the next few days, I wasn’t in the bar last night o I didn’t talk to any sledders. I’ll go down tonight and get the scoop.

Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, “So, where y’all from?”

The Yankee replies, “I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition.”

Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, “So, where y’all from, bitch?”

12-19-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Be careful coming off the Lake at the Bergland Park. Boulders line the parking lot and will be covered with snow soon. The DNR is marking this area this week. 

Weather:-11 last night but warmer the next few days.

Conditions: OK to Good.

Talking to riders this weekend and the general consensus is we need more snow and more cold weather. Last night should have helped out a lot. Between Wakefield and Bergland is probably going to be wet for a while yet. North of us has a lot more snow and better riding, but we are getting there. We have snow coming in, Christmas day  Santa my give Becker 12″. She will love that. A little bit warmer this week but still in a freeze for now.

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.

“Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the teacher.
‘Who is credited with writing the phrase, ‘To be or not to be, that is the question’?” asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, ‘Shakespeare’.

‘Well done!’ said the teacher, ‘You can have Monday off.”

‘No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.’ said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

‘Well okay,’ said the teacher. The next quote is, “I had a dream!”

Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!”

“Well done!” said the teacher. ‘You can have Monday off”

“No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too.” said little Fri Sum Kat.

‘Okay,’ said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, “F***ing Immigrants!”

“Who said that?” yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

“Donald Trump!” yelled little Johnny. “See ya Tuesday.’

 

 

12-17-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Be careful coming off the Lake at the Bergland Park. Boulders line the parking lot and will be covered with snow soon. The DNR is marking this area this week. 

Weather:Cold the next few days and then a bit of a warm up.

Conditions: OK to Good?

Trails around our area are OK. North of Bergland I hear conditions are a lot better. We will get there soon, temps remain below freezing and we continue to get more snow. I’ll go to the bar tonight and talk with some sledders. Looks like we got a few more inches over night and we are supposed to get more snow today. Everyday conditions are improving.

An avid hunter walks into a bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. He was undoubtedly a good shot but then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.
 
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced “Bear.” Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, “Shot with a .308 rifle.” He was right.
 
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Elk, shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.” He was right again.
 
He proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home drunk out of his mind and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a black eye.
 
He said to his wife, “I know I was drunk last night, but I think I’d remember a brawl. Where did I get this black eye?”
 
His wife angrily replied, “I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an axe.’
 
 

12-16-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Weather:Cold the next few days and then a bit of a warm up.

Conditions: OK to Good?

I talked to 3 groups in the bar lat night. I was hitting the tequila so details are a little fuzzy. But I do remember between Wakefield and Bergland is still wet. (remember the groomer stuck a few years back). East of Bergland is still a little slim but rideable. I haven’t talk to anyone that tried going along the Lake yet but my guess is the west shore is still wet. We are expecting snow the next few days so conditions should continue to improve.

Shout out to Eric and Ronan from Naples Florida, had a good time with you guys last night, I hope you made it back to Wakefield OK.

 

She: 
“So, what did you do for exercise today?”
He:  
“I changed a light bulb”
She: 
“That’s all?”
He:  
”Yes, ” I filmed it, look (click) 

12-15-16

Snow is here and I have plenty of days open in the rentals. I have 2 other house for rent this year, Bert’s Nest is right on the north shore of the Lake and Skip’s Place is 1 block north of M-28 and M-64. Click here to see Openings

Weather:From Weather Underground

Conditions: OK to Good?

I am totally guessing at trail conditions right now, I am going solely on the weather conditions we have had the last week. And the few riders I have talked to Last weekend. It has been colder than a witches titty (sorry Harvey) and we have continued to get snow, not a lot just a few inches a day and about 6 or so last night. Hard to tell with the wind blowing so bad. Snow continues to be in the forecast, this weekend should be decent riding, at least in some places. I would imagine wet areas should be freezing up, we don’t have above freezing temps for a high anywhere in site right now. If you do come up ask before you go out onto the Lake. I heard there was 5″ on the bay yesterday but the big Lake is not going to be as thick. Let the crazies beat down a good path first. (Mark, Sean, Rick……….).

See ya soon

The British and their Humour 
1.   I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.  Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
2.   After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.
3.   Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.
4.   A teenage boy asks his granny: “Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?”  Granny replies:“ The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?” 
5.   Wife gets naked and asks hubby: “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?”  Hubby looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of humor!”   (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)
6.   A chap’s wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part.(His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30. )
7.   I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
8 .   I woke up this morning at 9:00 , and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!  I panicked.  I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast until 10:30.
9 .   My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!”  I replied: “Oh, so now you want me to stay!” 
10.  Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.  When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
11 .   The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with.  I told her: “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!” (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month. )

12-14-16

Special announcement: Mark Hanson of Timberline Sports (Ski Doo Dealer)  has purchased Lake Gogebic Sport Center now named Lake Gogebic Sports.  Lake Gogebic Sports will continue to rent Polaris sleds with the addition of parts and service or all brands. Call Lake Gogebic Sports at 906-575-3466. Please share and help Mark get the word out.

Weather:From Weather Underground

Hazardous weather... 

 * lake effect snow across far northern Ontonagon County will bring
   additional snow accumulations of 3 to 5 inches through this
   evening... with an additional 2 to 4 inches of snow possible
   overnight through Thursday morning.

 * The combination of lake effect snow and blowing snow from 
   west winds gusting to 30 mph will create occasional whiteout 
   conditions over far northern Ontonagon County... mainly 
   northeast of Ontonagon near Lake Superior. 

 * Wind chills will be in the 10 below to 25 below zero range 
   through Thursday morning.

Conditions: Improving.

I think this is going to help out tremendously. I got this in an email yesterday.

Hey Tom . 

Ironwood , Bessmer, Wakefield.  Main trails groomed and NICE. Thanks, Mike.
I think we will see a few more sleds up this weekend.

Uncle Dale found someone with a bigger mouth than his.

 

12-13-16

Special announcement: Mark Hanson of Timberline Sports (Ski Doo Dealer)  has purchased Lake Gogebic Sport Center now named Lake Gogebic Sports.  Lake Gogebic Sports will continue to rent Polaris sleds with the addition of parts and service or all brands. Call Lake Gogebic Sports at 906-575-3466. Please share and help Mark get the word out.

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Some OK, some not so good.

Weather Underground says low of 2 degrees today. Right now it is -4. Now wouldn’t it be nice if the 3-5 inches of snow tomorrow turns out to be 8-12 inches. Just listen to a male weatherman, he’ll tell you that you are going to get a good 8″.

I have only talked to a few groups that I have seen out sledding. We need more cold and snow. Good news is the cold is here and the snow is coming.

Here’s a little drinking tip for you ladies: if you’re gonna drink, drink Jack Daniels. Ladies, you spend far too much money on cosmetics. For $12 bucks, you can have a man with a bottle of Jack going, ‘God, you’re beautiful.’

12-12-16

Special announcement: Mark Hanson of Timberline Sports (Ski Doo Dealer)  has purchased Lake Gogebic Sport Center now named Lake Gogebic Sports.  Lake Gogebic Sports will continue to rent Polaris sleds with the addition of parts and service or all brands. Call Lake Gogebic Sports at 906-575-3466. Pleasr share and help Mark get the word out.

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Some OK, some not so good.

This is a hard time to say anything about the trails. Early season, not enough snow, but the positive thing is the temps right now. I talked to a couple of groups that went out and the general feeling was that it wasn’t too good but it beat the hell out of staying home. John Dee has 8-12″ predicted between the 16th-21st.  That would be great, now to get Mother Nature to cooperate.

Subject: Amish ……

They were amazed by almost everything they saw,  but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again????

The boy asked, ‘What is this Father?’

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,

‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it  is.’

 

While the boy and  his father were watching with amazement, a rather portly older lady in a “Gopher” ( motorized wheelchair ) moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not  taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…..

‘Go get your Mother’