Archive for March 31, 2017

3-31-17

Weather: Sunny and high 40’s.

Nice day out there today. It would be good beer drinking weather if I wasn’t a bit under the weather. Oh well it will be an early Friday night. Maybe.

It is a little early to talk about ATV riding but, Free ORV Weekends June 10-11 and Aug. 19-20, no trail stickers needed. 

Becker and I may be taking a trip in the next couple of months. Mark Hanson from Timberline Sport Center has graciously offered to let me take a new Maverick X3 for a ride if I write a story about it.

How could I pass that up. I think we may see how far we can go east. It would be pretty cool if we could make it to Drummond Island or the Mackinaw Bridge. Knowing Becker and I though we probably won’t make it past the South Branch Saloon in Ewen.

 

3-30-17

Weather: Gloomy.

My favorite time of the year, Fricken Income Tax time. Been struggling putting all the crap together for the Accountant. Ya think after owning the bar for 10 years I would know better than to wait till the last minute.

 

 

3-28-17

Weather: 49 degrees and sunny Yipppppeeeee.

Warm and sunny today, think I will go outside and rack leaves. Well maybe I’ll sit in the garage, drink beer and watch the leaves go by in the breeze.

 God visited a woman and told her she must  give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into  heaven. 

 
The woman said she would try her  best.  

 
God visited the woman a week later to see  how she was getting on.   

 
“Not  bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to  get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long  slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made  love to me right then and there.”  

 
“They  don’t like that in heaven”, said God.   

 
The  woman replied:  “They’re not too happy about it at Wal-mart either

3-27-17

Weather: It just sucks.

I think Depression started in the UP during Pre-Spring season. We had nicer days weather wise in January and February than we have had in March. Hopefully that will change soon.

I am even giving up on scrolling through Facebook. I can’t stand looking through all the stupid posts people are still putting up about politics. Grow up people and give it a rest.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. The woman kept complaining about every little detail and making the trip unbearable.

But a few days before their vacation ended, a tragic accident ended the woman’s life. The undertaker told the husband.  You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.   The husband thought about it for a few seconds, then told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.

The undertaker asked, taken aback, Why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here in Jerusalem, and it would only cost $150?
The husband replied, “Long, long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”

3-24-17

Weather: Supposed to get warmer soon.

Conditions: Melting

March has just sucked up here, I got cabin fever, hopefully next week’s warm up will get me some garage time.

 

She’s single, She’s shapely
She’s beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I can see her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, “I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight. Are you doing anything?”

I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”

“Great,” she said. “Can you watch my dog?”

Being a senior citizen really sucks!

7-22-17

Weather: Supposed to get warmer.

Conditions: Go North, looks like they are still riding.

I seen a few posts and it looks like they are still riding up north.

The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk.  The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Baldwin, Michigan, for $2,000.00.  
They bought the cow from a Michigan Dairy and the cow was wonderful.  It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very  happy.  
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.  
 
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.  An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”  
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow in Michigan ?”  
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.  “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Michigan ?”  
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,  “My wife is from Michigan…

3-21-17

Weather: Stupid.

Conditions: Go North, maybe, call first.

What a stupid year weather wise. 25 degrees today. Winter did not want to stay and Spring does not want to begin. It has been dead around here so I don’t have a lot to write about. Been doing kitchen stuff with Becker and going on a little R&R trip with her. Nothing fancy just a few overnighters here and there. Really dead around town and the whole area. Must be time to go get drunk and do something stupid so I have something to write about.

3-17-17

Weather: Snowing.

Conditions: Go North.

Happy St Patty’s Day. Not that anyone I know needs an excuse to drink.  I think I had my share last night. Mother Nature is laughing her ass off at us, I think she is saying “I spoiled your Winter and now I am going to spoil your Spring.” 50 degrees on Sunday though, it may be time for beers and hot dogs down at the garage.

 

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
  
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
 
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000  the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said,‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now; and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
 
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said  ‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.
 
”I know,’ said the old man…‘But let me tell you about my weekend.’
 

3-16-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North.

I had heard the locals talk about the St Patty’s day storm for years up here. Although it does not look to be a big one, right now they are calling for 1-3″ coming in on Friday. Maybe we can build a snowman.

The IRS returned a tax return form to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.   In response to the question, “Do you
have anyone dependent on you?” the man wrote:  9.5 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 3.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 650 idiots in Washington.  
 
The IRS stated that the answer he gave was unacceptable.  
 
The man responded back, “Who did I leave out?”

3-15-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North.

Nothing new going on, useless cold weather for us, but reports from up North have been very good. Becker and I have been busy window shopping for the remodel of the kitchen. So far I am more confused than a week ago.