Weather: 49 degrees and sunny Yipppppeeeee.
Warm and sunny today, think I will go outside and rack leaves. Well maybe I’ll sit in the garage, drink beer and watch the leaves go by in the breeze.
God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
“Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there.”
“They don’t like that in heaven”, said God.
The woman replied: “They’re not too happy about it at Wal-mart either”