Archive for May 31, 2017

5-31-17

Weather: Sunny.

Grass cutting today, one of my favorite Summer jobs, I’d rather be plowing snow. Not a whole lot going on around here, kids will be out of school soon so I’m sure we will be seeing more people around shortly.

June is starting tomorrow so hopefully warmer weather will be coming with it.

6-30-17

Weather: Gloomy.

I heard a few comments that Memorial Day was to honor those who gave their lives and not those who served. Sorry but anyone who served could have lost their life. I was not trying to take anything away from those that did not make it back home.

Still have cooler weather in the forecast, a few 70’s but mostly 60’s for the week.

 

How I Nearly Became A Doctor

When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
 
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS” into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
 
Those who answered spine are doctors today.
  
The rest of us are sending and reading jokes.

5-29-17

Weather: Rainy again.

First off Happy Memorial Day and thank you to all that served and fought to defend our country.

Another gorgeous day here in the UP. Gloomy, rainy in the 50’s. Our weather has sucked since around the second week of January.  Or maybe we have had good weather and bad timing. Nice weather during snowmobiling season and cold weather when it was supposed to be warm. Better put Father Nature back in charge,

5-28-17

Weather: Rainy.

Molly The Camel
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a
Remote post in the Afghanistan Desert .
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a
Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks   the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, ‘Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ‘urges’.
That’s why we have Molly The Camel.’

The Captain says, ‘I can’t say that I condone this, but I  ‘understand about urges’, so the camel can stay.’

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own ‘urges’.
Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the  ladder, Pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, ‘Is that how the men do it?’

‘Not really, sir.. They usually just ride the
camel into town
…… Where the girls are.’

5-26-17

Weather: Back to gloomy.

Gloomy and 70 degrees. It could be worse though, I could be living somewhere else. Pretty dead up here right now, but the kiddies are getting out of school soon, hope to see a lot of you up here when that happens. It usually picks up after Memorial Day.

I went down to Fish Tales for Mexican Thursday yesterday, hats off to Jed, you did a great job cooking, except the Chimmy was too big, I didn’t have any room for beer after I got done eating.

A father texts his son:
 
“My dear son, today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My love and good wishes. Dad”.
 
 
His son texts back:
 
“Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t until tomorrow!”
 
His father replies:
 
“I know.”

5-25-17

Weather: Sunshine and lollipops today.

Beautiful today and up into the high 60’s. WOW been a long time since I said that. Sounds like a good day for Bush Lights and Tequila in the garage. (damn I said the same thing when it was shitty out).

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are – my – test – results – back?”

Two good ol’ boys in a Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin’ and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about kin, but it would make us even!”

5-24-17

Weather: Gloomy Still.

Still gloomy outside but who cares, may be a beer drinking day. Or Tequila. Or Dr. Pepper.

A  self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

‘You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,’ the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. ‘The young people of today are much more advanced than people your age. We grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon and the Internet. We have cell phones, nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers, automated manufacturing, amazing technologies,…and,’ pausing to take another drink of beer.
The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said,
You’re right, son.  We didn’t have those things when we were young…. So we invented them.  Now, you arrogant little shit, what are YOU doing for the next generation?
The applause was resounding…
I love senior citizens!

5-23-17

Weather: Gloomy again.

Weather is shitty so I guess it is a work on the kitchen day.

The Redneck & The Gorilla
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a      few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo’s veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, the zoo had no male gorillas available.
Thinking about their problem, the zookeeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but he possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution, and they approached Bobby Lee with a proposition: would he be willing to mate with the gorilla    for $500.00?  
 
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
“First,” Bobby Lee said,  “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”  
The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
Second,” he said,  “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt” 
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
“Third,” he said,  “You can’t never tell nobody about this.”
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
“Fourth,” Bobby Lee said,  “I want any children raised Southern Baptist
Once again it was agreed.
And last, Bobby Lee said.  “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.

5-22-17

Weather: Gloomy but who cares, I live in the UP.

A shitty day in the UP is better than a Sunny day anywhere else. LOL. Especially Iowa. Sorry my friends from Iowa but I seen this and couldn’t resist.

Time to work on putting in Becker’s new windows and door. A bit chilly outside but that will keep those little black flies away.

5-19-17

Weather: So So.

Walleye fishing has been hit or miss from what I have heard, but most fishermen are getting a meal at least.

The weather is nice, 50’s for a while. May be a nice night for a bonfire.  

I have got comments about my political views before. The funny thing is, I have none. Well except for I can’t believe what a bunch of idiots we have now blasting President Trump for everything under the sun. Republicans did not treat President Obama with the disrespect Democrats are treating President Trump with right now. What the hell has happened to people in this country. I am so sick of people sharing bullshit on the internet that is just pure media bullshit. And how dare President Trump be such a thoughtless asshole that he wants to put America first. After all all of us would take care of a stranger we don’t know before we would take care of our own family right? Wake up people and start doing what is right, not what the media wants you to believe.