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New Trail Report Web Site

I got the new site up and running, for trail reports from Tom go to

 

www.tomstrailreport.com

8-31-17

Some good reading on the ATV trail work that goes on behind the scenes.

I should be live with the new site tomorrow.

Until then check this out. And thanks Woodchuck for sending something other than titties.

 

 

 

8-25-17

THE EIGHTY-THREE YEAR OLD LADY FINISHED HER ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAMINATION, THE DOCTOR SAID, “YOU ARE IN FINE SHAPE FOR YOUR AGE, MRS. GREEN, BUT TELL ME, DO YOU STILL HAVE INTERCOURSE?”

“JUST A MINUTE, I’LL HAVE TO ASK MY HUSBAND”, SHE SAID.

SHE STEPPED OUT INTO THE CROWDED RECEPTION ROOM AND YELLED OUT LOUD:

“BOB, DO WE STILL HAVE INTERCOURSE?”

THERE WAS A COMPLETE HUSH – YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP.

BOB ANSWERED IMPATIENTLY, “IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, IRMA, I’VE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES.

WHAT WE HAVE IS…

BLUE CROSS!”

Weather: Who cares I live in the UP…………

OK I been taking some shit lately and it has been well deserved. I have not posted since 8-4-17 and I was not doing a very good job before that of posting every day. I also have some webcam problems like down at Fish Tales, at Mom’s House and also at my house. Fish Tales has a Internet Provider problem I think and the camera at Mom’s my have took a lightning hit. I am working with Godaddy today to finalize the design of the new sight, hopefully that will be going by the end of August. I have requests for reservation that I will get to ASAP, I need to get the new calendar up and running on the new site. I have basically been screwing around all summer and not doing what I should have been doing. I apologize but it has been fun and I needed it. With no obligations of running my own business I just said fuck everything and tried to concentrate on Becker and myself for awhile.

My new order of priorities is:

Get new web site running, calendar/reservations, and web cams all working again. That is unless Becker changes my priorities.

The New web site is www.tomstrailreport.com It should be going within a week unless godaddy tells me different today.

 

Thanks and see ya soon,

Tom

 

8-24-17

Suicide Counselor
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of 
a high bridge, about to jump off.

An old homeless guy who was wandering by stopped and said, 
“Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter 
to you, how about a quickie before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away saying, “Okay then, I’ll just go 
and wait at the bottom.”

She didn’t jump.
 
Object lesson: Suicide counseling really does work!

Weather: Who cares I live in the UP…………

OK I been taking some shit lately and it has been well deserved. I have not posted since 8-4-17 and I was not doing a very good job before that of posting every day. I also have some webcam problems like down at Fish Tales, at Mom’s House and also at my house. Fish Tales has a Internet Provider problem I think and the camera at Mom’s my have took a lightning hit. I am working with Godaddy today to finalize the design of the new sight, hopefully that will be going by the end of August. I have requests for reservation that I will get to ASAP, I need to get the new calendar up and running on the new site. I have basically been screwing around all summer and not doing what I should have been doing. I apologize but it has been fun and I needed it. With no obligations of running my own business I just said fuck everything and tried to concentrate on Becker and myself for awhile.

My new order of priorities is:

Get new web site running, calendar/reservations, and web cams all working again. That is unless Becker changes my priorities.

The New web site is www.tomstrailreport.com It should be going within a week unless godaddy tells me different today.

 

Thanks and see ya soon,

Tom

 

8-23-17

My First Condom”
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen’s pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, ‘No, not really.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.  ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

Then she beat the shit out of me….

Women have always been hard for me to figure out!

 

Weather: Who cares I live in the UP…………

OK I been taking some shit lately and it has been well deserved. I have not posted since 8-4-17 and I was not doing a very good job before that of posting every day. I also have some webcam problems like down at Fish Tales, at Mom’s House and also at my house. Fish Tales has a Internet Provider problem I think and the camera at Mom’s my have took a lightning hit. I am working with Godaddy today to finalize the design of the new sight, hopefully that will be going by the end of August. I have requests for reservation that I will get to ASAP, I need to get the new calendar up and running on the new site. I have basically been screwing around all summer and not doing what I should have been doing. I apologize but it has been fun and I needed it. With no obligations of running my own business I just said fuck everything and tried to concentrate on Becker and myself for awhile.

My new order of priorities is:

Get new web site running, calendar/reservations, and web cams all working again. That is unless Becker changes my priorities.

The New web site is www.tomstrailreport.com It should be going within a week unless godaddy tells me different today.

 

Thanks and see ya soon,

Tom

 

8-22-17

Weather: Who cares I live in the UP…………

OK I been taking some shit lately and it has been well deserved. I have not posted since 8-4-17 and I was not doing a very good job before that of posting every day. I also have some webcam problems like down at Fish Tales, at Mom’s House and also at my house. Fish Tales has a Internet Provider problem I think and the camera at Mom’s my have took a lightning hit. I am working with Godaddy today to finalize the design of the new sight, hopefully that will be going by the end of August. I have requests for reservation that I will get to ASAP, I need to get the new calendar up and running on the new site. I have basically been screwing around all summer and not doing what I should have been doing. I apologize but it has been fun and I needed it. With no obligations of running my own business I just said fuck everything and tried to concentrate on Becker and myself for awhile.

My new order of priorities is:

Get new web site running, calendar/reservations, and web cams all working again. That is unless Becker changes my priorities.

The New web site is www.tomstrailreport.com It should be going within a week unless godaddy tells me different today.

 

Thanks and see ya soon,

Tom

 

8-4-17

Weather: gloomy again.

Going way up into the 60’s today and then a heat wave of 70’s for a week. Summer seems like it just got here and now it is going fast. Work today and tomorrow, then off for 5 days. Guess it may be getting time to star getting ready to put things away for winter soon. Yea I’m rushing it a bit, but I love the Fall in the UP.

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘I took m’self far into the woods to find m’self a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothin’ to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, and he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, ….circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

8-3-17

Weather: gloomy.

High of 57 degrees today, I wanted it to cool off but 57degrees? Happy August in the UP I guess. I am getting closer with the new web site, www.tomstrailreport.com it should be up soon, as soon as I get the calander for the rentals up and running I can start taking reservations for this winter, I have some emails and I will take them in the order that I get them, hopefully next week we can get them done.

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.   A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!” The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately.   “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions.  The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”. He began his series of questions:  Tower:   “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?”  Aircraft:   “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.” Tower:   “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?” Aircraft:   “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”  Tower:   Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”Aircraft” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”

 

Weather: A bit gloomy.

Someone turned on the air conditioning in the UP, thank you 60 and 70’s for the next week. Now we are getting back to normal.

 

 

 

7-31-17

Weather: Beautiful.

A little nicer in the house right now, just got the air conditioner put in the window. Becker and I got home this morning and it was 80 degrees in the house already. As I was lifting the air conditioner in the window a smart ass neighbor yelled “it is going to be 60 degrees on Thursday” as he drove by. Sure enough when I was done I checked weather underground and he is right.

Tom Miller yelled at me Saturday night because I have not been posting, well he was right, it has been about a week. Sorry Becker and I have been on a reality break for a while I guess. Been hanging out at the garage and swimming in the Lake. I’ll get back on track here. I need to find out what is going on with godaddy and the new website.

My buddy Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

 

Tom wanted two things:

  • to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
  • to find a wife to share his fortune.

 

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

 

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

 

Women are so much better at estate planning than men…