Archive for Trail Updates

7-22-17

Weather: Supposed to get warmer.

Conditions: Go North, looks like they are still riding.

I seen a few posts and it looks like they are still riding up north.

The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk.  The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Baldwin, Michigan, for $2,000.00.  
They bought the cow from a Michigan Dairy and the cow was wonderful.  It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very  happy.  
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.  
 
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.  An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”  
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow in Michigan ?”  
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.  “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Michigan ?”  
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,  “My wife is from Michigan…

3-21-17

Weather: Stupid.

Conditions: Go North, maybe, call first.

What a stupid year weather wise. 25 degrees today. Winter did not want to stay and Spring does not want to begin. It has been dead around here so I don’t have a lot to write about. Been doing kitchen stuff with Becker and going on a little R&R trip with her. Nothing fancy just a few overnighters here and there. Really dead around town and the whole area. Must be time to go get drunk and do something stupid so I have something to write about.

3-17-17

Weather: Snowing.

Conditions: Go North.

Happy St Patty’s Day. Not that anyone I know needs an excuse to drink.  I think I had my share last night. Mother Nature is laughing her ass off at us, I think she is saying “I spoiled your Winter and now I am going to spoil your Spring.” 50 degrees on Sunday though, it may be time for beers and hot dogs down at the garage.

 

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
  
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
 
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000  the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said,‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now; and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
 
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said  ‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.
 
”I know,’ said the old man…‘But let me tell you about my weekend.’
 

3-16-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North.

I had heard the locals talk about the St Patty’s day storm for years up here. Although it does not look to be a big one, right now they are calling for 1-3″ coming in on Friday. Maybe we can build a snowman.

The IRS returned a tax return form to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.   In response to the question, “Do you
have anyone dependent on you?” the man wrote:  9.5 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 3.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 650 idiots in Washington.  
 
The IRS stated that the answer he gave was unacceptable.  
 
The man responded back, “Who did I leave out?”

3-15-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North.

Nothing new going on, useless cold weather for us, but reports from up North have been very good. Becker and I have been busy window shopping for the remodel of the kitchen. So far I am more confused than a week ago.

 

 

3-14-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North.

Planning Becker’s new kitchen. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. Let the fights begin.

 

3-13-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.

This is probably the longest cold snap we have had since sometime in January. Figures, we don’t need it now. I been hearing about people riding in the Keweenaw and great conditions up there. Also east of us I have heard of people riding still.

A doctor in Dublin, feeling overworked wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.
“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor..
“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon,” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the tird one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does.
Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:
“HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“Tunderin’ lard Jesus, Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”

10-12-17

Weather: Cold and Snow.

Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.

Seen sleds riding the trails on our way back from Marquette last night. Actually the trails didn’t look bad out that way. They must not have given up on grooming.

Becker and I were on a hunt for new Kitchen cabinets. We went to the UP Builders Show in Marquette, sorry but it was of no real use to us. Mostly builders looking for business, not people displaying products. Although we did meet some nice People, Keweenaw Speciality Woods was one of them. Stopped by the Lowes booth and everyone was talking with each other and did not look like talking to potential customers, I thought no big deal I will just go to the store. While at the store the lady that does do the cabinet designs said she would take my number and call me to set up an appointment. Said she was the only one there and all the other sales people were at the show. I told her thank you I drove 120 miles for nothing than. My 1st and last time in a Lowes Store.

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.
The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”
The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”
The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”
The third old guy said, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.”
The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”
The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”

3-10-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.

Going to Marquette today to the UP Builders Show. Becker wants that new Kitchen I have been promising her for about 5 years now. I told her we could go look, window shop, yea right.

Prescription Drugs & Side Effects

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”
He declines. Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something.  “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.  “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind letting me up?  I’m starving.”

3-9-17

Weather: Cold.

Conditions: Go North or South.

Got a cold snap, where the hell were you when we needed you. Don’t put them sleds away just yet, I heard Kentucky and North Carolina is getting 4-8 inches of snow. Way to go there Mother Nature.

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers’ lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

 Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers his window. ‘Uh, yes, Officer’?
 
The trooper asks: ‘What are you doing?’

The young man says: ‘Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.’ Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: ‘And, her, what is she doing?’ The young man shrugs: ‘Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.’

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover’s lane and nothing inappropriate is happening!
 
The trooper asks: ‘What’s your age, young man?’ The young man says: ‘I’m 22, sir.’

 The trooper asks: ‘And her, what’s her age?’ The young man looks at his watch and replies:

‘She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.