9-27-16

Weather: Rain on the way.

More rain for the next few days. What can you do, come on down and drink beer. Anybody watch the Debate last night? I was kind of disappointed Trump didn’t bring up Monica. Seems like they drug up everything else. It is very scary what is going on in our country. I know Donald Trump scares the hell out of a lot of people. But the feeling I get is if Hillary wins it will continue to be business as usual. God help us. Please.

A Jewish daughter says to her mother,
I’m divorcing Nathan.
All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece,
when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece
.”

Her mother says …..
You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion!
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari!
You get $2,000 a week allowance!
You take 6 vacations a year and
you want to throw all that away
over 45 cents?

NOW THAT’S A JEWISH MOTHER !

9-26-16

Weather: Shitty.

Weather is shitty, Becker feels shitty and I feel Shitty. I have had the flu since last week, I been taking antibiotics from Mexico since last Thursday. Seems like I am finally kicking it. Becker is doing OK for the most part, she has an appointment October 10th, hopefully the we can get her treatments started.

Our Grouse Tournament is coming up October 8th, It will be the last one I hold at the bar, but I am sure Les and Shelly will be carrying on in years to come.

A police officer asks a thief, “Why did you steal this stranger’s watch?”

The thief replies, “I didn’t steal it — he gave it to me!”

The policeman asks, “When did he give it to you?”

The thief tells him, “When I showed him the gun.”

9-22-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Not to nice of a day outside, gloomy but no rain is likely.

A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.

The man says, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye.”

“Where did you get the other shiner?” the boss asks.

“Well,” the man says, “I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in.”

9-21-16

Weather: Sunny.

It was a garage day yesterday, lots of Bush Lights, a fire and sorting beer cans. A word to the wise, trow out the garbage bag that has the left over bait containers in it quickly. Man did that ever stink.

No updates on Becker, she is waiting for her mouth to fully heal before she can start radiation.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time …” -A southern fairytale begins
“Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit….
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

9-20-16

Weather: Sunny.

Another gorgeous day in the UP. Not sure what I can get into today. I’ll think of something though. Maybe a few Bush Lights will be involved.

A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, “Alright, let’s hear it.”
The guy goes, “What has a 2 inch penis and hangs down?”
The DJ says, “I dunno, what?”
The guy says, “A bat. What has a 12 inch penis and hangs up?”
The DJ replies, “I dunno, what?” Next thing the DJ hears is a dial tone.

9-19-16

Weather: Sunny.

Beautiful day today, well in Minnesota anyway. Packer and Lions fans aren’t to happy though.

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.

Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, “Tornado!” The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.

When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, “Fire!”

9-16-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Supposed to rain today. Who cares, got some garage work to do. And a fridge full of Bush Lights.

BBB’s 9th Annual Grouse Tournament is coming up in a few short weeks. October 8th. Sign up starts this weekend.

 

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, “Nope.”

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger’s legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”

The old man mutters, “Ain’t my dog.”

9-15-16

Weather: Beautiful.

What started out to be a foggy gloomy morning turned into onr of the best Fall Days and night this year. Maybe it was the Tequila, Bush Light, Bon fire or just sitting outside with Brother Mark and Mom. WOW full moon and sitting by the fire. Love it!

4 MEXICANS IN A ROW BOAT
Regardless of your political views, this one is more than funny!  In these politically charged times, it’s not often you get an email you can share with both your Democratic and
Republican friends.  This way I get to find out if anybody is lacking a sense of humor!!!
4 MEXICANS IN A ROW BOAT
unnamed-14
The Captain gets on the loud-speaker and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft.  Where are you headed?”
unnamed-15
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
“We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the U.S. during the 1800’s.”
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.
When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-speaker and asks,   “Just the four of you?”
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four.   The other 12 million are already there!”
                                                 
Nobody on the destroyer laughed.

9-14-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Tom Miller.

Tom Miller who?

Tom Miller is coming, steps get ready. (sorry this is meant for a select few)

Fall is definitely in the air. It is 46 and foggy this morning. I think we are going to have an early winter, wishful thinking? maybe, but it could happen.

Trump And The Pope
 Seeking a weekend break from his campaign rallies; Donald Trump jetted to his yacht, which was docked off the coast of Italy.  He invited Pope Francis and the press corps on board for a Saturday afternoon cruise.  It was a rather windy day. The Pope’s little hat, his zucchetto, was blown from his head and into the water.A crewman began lowering a boat to retrieve the zucchetto.  Trump told the crewman not to bother.  Trump climbed down the yacht’s ladder; walked across the waves, picked up the zucchetto; walked back to the yacht and handed it to the Pope.  The Pope and the press corps were amazed! Donald Trump could actually walk on water!  Speculation immediately began as to how ABC, CNN, NBC, The Washington Post and New York Times would report this miraculous event to the rest of the world.  The next morning he New York Times headline read . . . DONALD TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!!!

9-13-16

Weather: Sunny.

Getting into the middle of September, leaves are starting to turn. Best time to make an ATV trip is during the Fall Colors. I would say 2-3 weeks we will be in living color. Come on up and see us. I’m Bored…….

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
 
‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the solicitor 
Paddy responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d ju aaa st loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into DA… ‘

I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’
Paddy said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into DA trailer and I was Drivin down DA road…. ‘

The solicitor interrupted again and said, ‘Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘ 
 
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy’s answer and said to the solicitor:  
‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in DA side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into DA udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after DA accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den DA policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said,
‘How are you feelin’?
 
‘Now, wot DA fock would you say?’