8-23-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Thank you to everyone for the well wishes for Becker, we got this, she will be fine.

Not a lot going on right now, Les and Shelly have applied for the liquor license and all is going well. It will be business as usual, only with younger people running the bar.

 

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.” 

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey.  Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.” 
A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, “Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

8-22-16

Weather: Sunshine.

A couple weeks back Becker went in to have a saliva gland in her neck removed. The surgeon told us after he removed it that every thing looked fine and no cancer was present. After the biopsy we received word that it was Adenocarcinoma (I think), a cancer that effects mucus-secreting glands. The diagnosis is good I guess, she is Stage 1 and will need to get radiation, but chemo is not needed at this time. Becker had a lower GI and chest x-ray and they all looked good. Not really the best of news but in this day and age it could have been a lot worse. She will be starting radiation within the next month.

We have heard rumors already so I wanted to set the record straight.

8-19-16

Weather: Beautiful day, if you like rain.

 

Sorry late post today, had to go back to the Dr in Iron Mountain yesterday and today just flew by

Meet Walter Barnes

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you
have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands.  The Minister then repeated his question.  All
responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.

“Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.

“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual.  How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” he replied.  The congregation stood up and clapped their
hands.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”

The old man tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit,
turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all them
assholes.”  Then he calmly returned to his seat.

8-18-16

Weather: Beautiful day.

Off to Iron Mountain again this morning for Becker to do some more doctoring. Got to get everything done before Trump takes down Obama Care.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: “TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00.”

A policeman stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, “JESUS SAVES.”

One of the girls asked the cop, “Why don’t you stop them?”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the cop smiled. “Their sign pertains to religion.”

The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: “TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00.”

8-17-16

Weather: Beautiful day.

Another nice day in the UP.

Not much going on today, I gotta work so needless to say it is just gorgeous outside. Maybe I can call in sick, nobody should be inside on a day like today……….. 

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they’re at sea for so long.

“Let me show you,” says the captain.

He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there’s a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

“This’ll be the best sex you’ll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I’ll give you some privacy.”

The recruit doesn’t quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.

“Wow! That was the best sex I’ve ever had! I want to do it every day!”

“Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday.”

“Why not Thursday?”

“That’s your day in the barrel.”

8-16-16

Weather: Beautiful day.

Yesterday was one of the nicest days in Bergland in almost 3 years. Why was yesterday so special you ask?

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They finally started to clean up the grocery store. Bergland received a grant from the state of Michigan and clean up work started yesterday.

I ended up having to go to AA, which is ridiculous. First thing they tell you to do is stop hanging around with other alcoholics. Well, so I stopped going to AA.

8-15-16

Weather: Beautiful day.

Going to pick up mom this morning before I go to work. She went to Duluth last weekend for the Great Grand Kid’s Christening. I am meeting brother Mark in Ashland so I gotta fly.

 

Isn’t it amazing how cigarette smoking is becoming illegal, but marijuana’s becoming decriminalized? Do you know that in a few years I’m going to have to pretend I’m getting high in order to enjoy a Camel Light? I’m going to have to take the filter off, twist the ends up — ‘For the next hour and a half, act like my I.Q.’s dropped 80 points.’

8-12-16

Weather: Cloudy day.

Gloomy here today, but the temps are cooling off for a couple of days and I am going to sit back and enjoy it. The sale for the bar is going slow but it is going. It should be done by fall sometime. Les and Shelly are eager to take over, for Becker and I it is kind of bitter sweet. On one hand it will be nice to kick back and take it easy but on the other we will miss all of you guys. I will stick around and help as long as they need me, but I won’t be there like I have been during the past winters late at night 7 days a week. Maybe I can get a few hours in on a bar stool bull shitting though.

 

A shaggy dog tale that makes your day


As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $20 and a note in the dog’s mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.”  Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He barks repeatedly.

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again & again.

No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”

The owner responds, “Genius, my arse. It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

8-11-16

Weather: Rainy day.

Opps I missed a day. Becker spent the night before last down at the garage. Nice and cool and the rain on the metal roof reminded us of camping, with a little extra room. Yesterday i cooked eggs, hash browns, sausage and french toast. (don’t tell Becker I ordered from Antonios) We didn’t make it home until after 1pm so I totally blew off the trail report yesterday. Had to pamper momma for a day.

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8-9-16

Weather: high 80’s today.

Hot and sweaty today. Going to pick up Becker today, think I may need to stop at Taco Bell and get a Triple Double Crunch and Munch.

A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. 
The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot,  and cold things cold.’ 
‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing…..I’m going to buy it!’ So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. 
Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked? 
‘Why, that’s a thermos…. It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,’ she replied.. 
Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’
The blond replied……’Two popsicles & some coffee.