5-25-16

Weather: Cloudy and Warm.

Possibly a little break in the rain today. Yesterday’s forecast showed rain for 10 days straight, today, not so much. I think I want to be a Weatherman when I grow up. Opps, Weather person I mean.

Holy crap did the rain ever come down yesterday, it looked like a river in front of the bar when I pulled up yesterday. A few hours later it was sunshine and blue skies. Looks like they lifted the burning ban so maybe a fire today at Mom’s to clean up the brush we cut down over the weekend. (awe fire means Bush Lights).

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5-24-16

Weather: Rain and Warm.

It was windy yesterday, Mom called and said the screen house was blowing away. I got to Mom in a few minutes to find her holding down the roof. Well it didn’t stay down for long, while I was trying to take it apart another gust came up and up onto the garage roof the screen house roof went. If I didn’t yell at Mom to let go she would have been up on the garage roof too I think. At least you get a better view of the lake right now on Mom’s web cam.

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5-23-16

Weather: 80’s today.

Looks like we have a little rain in the forecast this week. Actually we need rain, Mi-Trale had a ride this past weekend, I couldn’t imagine what it was like being in a line of ATV’s going down a dusty trail. Them people had to be shitting dirt the next morning.

Brother Mark was at Mom’s again over the weekend and we got a place all cleaned out for the new dock, hopefully it is ready this week.

Forgot my glasses
Yesterday my daughter again asked why
I didn’t do something useful with my time.

Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed

to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was “only thinking of me” and

suggested I go down to the senior center
and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson
about staying out of my business.

I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You’re almost 72 years old and

you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me,

“Good grief, where are your glasses!
This is a membership
to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do…

I signed up for five jumps a week.” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier

but sometimes it can be fun.

5-20-16

Weather: Still Sunny.

Just gorgeous outside. If only them little black flies were not around, damn seems like I always have to complain about something. Besides what can a few little black flies hurt? They are God’s creatures too. It is really Mosses fault they are here anyway, he just had to put 2 of them little bastards on that fricken Ark. They will be gone soon, then it will be time for the next wave of insects to invade the UP. Come on mosquitos, I’m ready for you…….

 How to Tell the Sex of a Bird

 

This is AMAZING!!!

I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. 

I always thought it had to be determined biologically, 

or by medical examination by experts.

Until now!

 

Below are two birds. Study them closely. 

 

See if you can determine which of the two is the female. 

 

It CAN be done! 

Even by someone with limited bird watching skills!

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5-19-16

Weather: Sunny.

Beautiful UP weather going on. Nothing but sunshine. I have been fighting lawnmower problems. Just ordered new spindles for the mower deck. I may have a hat field before I get the lot over at Sullys mowed.

I don’t get many fishermen in during the day, Becker says she gets a few in at night though, but so far it seems the guys are getting some fish.

The Italian Virginity Test ;

 

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says … “Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things forwhat we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit ~~~ a small can of Redpaint, a small can of Blue paint, and a shovel.”

Mario asks … “And what do I do with these things, doc?”

The doctor replies … “Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.


If she says … ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I’ve ever seen!’…you hit her with the shovel!

5-18-16

Weather: Sunny.

Lawnmower problems yesterday. I was cutting the grass over at the Little house when I hit something hard in the tall grass. Seems one of my winter renters left me a present. Part of a trailer hitch was underneath the grass and took out a couple of the blades on my mower. I got the blades replaced and deck cleaned off, now all I have to do is figure out how to get the deck back on.

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!’

 

The teacher replied, ‘Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate.  Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.’ 

 

Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, ‘You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!’

5-17-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Fishing reports are not too bad. Nothing special or amazing but for the most part people are catching fish. The new 13 inch limit is helping too. At least now when only the smaller fish are biting, you still have enough for a meal. Well it might take a couple of trips out in the boat, some of those fishermen are pretty good size.

“Daddy, where did I come from?” seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” the mom asks. “Not really,” the little girl says. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”

5-16-16

Weather: Could be worse.

High 40’s today then back up into the 60s & 70s. I haven’t heard too much about the fishing, seen a lot of boats out in front of Mom’s house though. I had a good day, lots of bush lights yesterday while I was dodging those little black flies. I’m working today so maybe I’ll hear how people are doing out on the Lake.

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

“Mom” he asked, “are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” she replied.

Opening Day of Walleye

Weather: Sunshine and Lollipops.

Beautiful morning with the Sun just a shining. Good luck to all the fishermen out there. And look on the bright side, with the 37 degrees this morning your beer will stay cold. The DNR lowered the limit so now you can keep 2 fishes 13-15 inches.

Becker and I fished off the dam this morning,

girl at dam

But we had to leave early cause Wilber and Woodchuck kept trying to fish in our spot.

guys fishing

5-15-16

Weather: Snow, yep fricken snow.

So what happens on Friday the 13th in the UP? You wake up the next day to a beautiful snow covered lawn. Happy fishing tomorrow fishermen. The Walleyes are laughing at you.

snow

Subject: Mayonnaise historical fact

Did you know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.  The ship hit an iceberg and sank. 

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as – Sinko De Mayo.

 

WHAT???  You expected something educational from me? You need a shot of Tequila.