Rodney Update

Weather: Sunshine.

Update from Tobi on Rodney: Grams got the tube out. He is talking and making jokes. He remembers being stuck in the mud, but not knowing how he got there. No word on cause or plan yet.

Only thing I would like to add is I think she meant Gramps……

6-24-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Update on  Rodney from Tobi: (yesterday) MRI was done, no stroke or brain damage, ultrasound of his heart, no heart attack. Still on ventilator, but the machine is only doing 12% of the work, gramps is doing 88% on own. They still have him sedated, but only cuz they want him to rest. They will start taking him off the meds later this evening n should slowly start waking up.

(Today) Gramps still has tube in, but has been breathing on his own for the last 2 hours. The RN says that the doc needs to evaluate, but will likely give the order to remove the tube. All other vitals are stable n resting now.

Hopefully Tobi can pass this on to Rodney…….

Subject:  Basic Rules for Good Health


1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol
Level.

SO, REMEMBER …

6. FISHING is good for your health and soul,
And may the Good Lord cleanse your FILTHY
Mind!

6-23-16

Weather: Sunshine.

I wish I could say nothing was going on up here but yesterday morning Rod “Puss” Ellsworth became confused and wondered off into the woods. With the help of Police, USFS and DNR, he was found and taken off to the hospital. Last we heard his vitals were better and he was holding his own. Prayers to Rod and his family.

http://www.uppermichiganssource.com/content/news/Missing-man-hospitalized-384100961.html

 

6-22-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood, and many more to come by the look of the forecast. I need to get my ass in gear this morning and keep getting shit done. Now the only question is what to do next? Bush Light or maybe some Hennigins?

A shout out to Pops, Happy Birthday Dad, don’t worry about Mom, I think the Boys and I are taking pretty good care of her.

With the on-set of deer hunting season…..a good question!

Looking forward to hunting season but I do have a question.  If
I shoot a buck, but I only have a doe tag, can I claim that
the buck wasn’t really a buck?
 
I mean … maybe he’d always wanted to be a doe, but with
no choice of his own he was born with the physical
attributes of a male.  And yet … on the inside
he’d always known he was truly a female.

I’m just wondering if the game warden will buy it, because
society and the Supreme Court certainly do.

6-21-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Another beautiful day in the UP. In fact no rain in sight. I spent yesterday shopping with Mom and going to the Lawyer’s office. Gotta hate legal shit. Gotta work today, I think it may be time for a beer.

Subject: Better Than A Flu Shot
.
. Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties, had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, in the water floated of all things, a condom!
>>>>>> When she returned With tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist. ‘Miss Beatrice’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this? Pointing to the bowl. ‘Oh, yes,’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!

6-20-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Had a great week with my Brothers and we got a lot done at Mom’s house. We built a deck, put up her screened house, replanted her bushes, put in edging, got wood for winter, cut grass and did all the trimming around the yard. Nice job guys, we need to do this at least once a month.

Friday we rented a few 4-seaters from Mark and Marlin at Timberline Sports. Everyone had a blast. The best was when we were in Greenland and got lost and ended up in the mud.

Ontonagon did a great job of signing through town, I wish Greenland would do the same. It is very confusing, and when I asked the cashier at the gas station where the ATV trail was, she directed me to the SNOWMOBILE map on the wall. I realize it is our responsibility to know where to go. But if we want to attract tourism to the UP we need to do a better job of signing to keep people where they need to be.

 

•    Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!
•    How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.
•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
•    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
•    I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.
•    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
•    I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can
stop any time.
•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but
I’d never met herbivore.
•    When chemists die, they barium.
•    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can’t put it down.
•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words.
•    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.
•    I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn’t control her pupils?
•    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
•    Broken pencils are pointless.
•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
•    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
•    Velcro – what a rip off!
•    Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

6-17-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Taking the Brothers, nieces and nephew out on the Side by sides today. We rented a couple 4 seaters from Timberline so we are off to get a Sloppy Hoppy. It has been way too long since I seen Jane’s smiling face, Hoppys here I come.

Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?’

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. ‘Well, Hunter, it’s called sexual intercourse.’

‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, ‘OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandpa, it isn’t called sexual intercourse, it’s called bunk beds and Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.’

Untitled (2)

6-17-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Hi ho Hi ho, it’s off to work we go……The brothers and I are making wood today for Mom. Well 3 of us are anyway, the forth brother is slowly making his way up here from Indiana. Come on brother Pat, hurry up, the work is almost done.

We even got the garden in at Mom’s house.

EBD46BC3972E4FB193479597292EFFF0

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, “Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?”
 
“Why yes John, that would be nice.” said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck.
 
All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh .
 
When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, “Hey Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?”
“Oh no John, “said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?”
 
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn’t say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
“Hey Marie” said John and asked, “Would you like a smoke?”
 
“Oh no John” said Marie. “What would I tell my Sunday School class?” Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his
car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn.  He’d struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
“Hey Marie” said John, “How would you like to stop at this motel with me?”
 
“Sure John, that would be awesome” said Marie.
 
Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. He whipped a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the
motel and checked in with Marie.
 
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed. “What have I done? What have I done?” thought John.
 
He shook Marie and she woke up. “Marie, I’ve got to ask you one thing” said John. “What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?”
 
Marie said, “The same thing I always tell them. You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a good time!
 
 

6-15-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Rainy today then nice weather in our future. Middle of June and Becker and I have yet to take a ride on the side by side. I think we need to get our priorities straight. Maybe next week after my brothers are gone we can get our act together. It has been way too long since the Commander hit the trail.

THE ITALIAN VIRGIN’S WEDDING NIGHT

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, “You have any a problem, you come and see Mama.”

Later, Marol’s husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!”

Mama reassures Marol, “Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

But when Marol’s husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!”

Mama reassures her, “He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

Finally, Marol’s husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother’s room, shouting, “Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!”

Her mother gets up and announces, “Stand back, Marol — this is a job for Mama!”

6-14-16

Weather: Gloomy.

I started to do the blog today and noticed I never hit publish on yesterday’s post. OPPS. So I guess that means today you get a double dose of my bullshit. Worked at Mom’s yesterday putting up a screened in porch. Man am I ever aching today. Gotta work at the bar today though so the Brothers are on their own. While Scott, Mark and I have been busting our asses at Mom’s the last few days, Brother Pat has been out in Vegas, splashing around in the pool and golfing. Every family has got to have one I guess.

FROZEN CRABS AND THE BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT

 

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.  She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.  He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

 

 Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?”

 

 Not one hand went up …so she took them home and ate them.

 

 There are two lessons here:

 

  1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.

 

  1. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folks think.