7-18-19

Weather: Beautiful.

Becker’s birthday week, we drove to Wausau last night. But not before we stopped in Dollar stores, Liquor stores, grocery store, novelty shop and Sting Rays in Minocqua. (Sting Rays was my idea, had to say hi to Barry). Today it is off to Walmart (we have to buy a new swim suit for Becker) and then down to Spring Green where the House on the rock is.

  Great Quotes on Sex
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”   Lynn Lavner
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
George Burns
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”
Sharon Stone
“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”
Tiger Woods
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
Jack Nicholson
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”   Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in
front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women
are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”    Robert De Niro
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic
reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
Dustin Hoffman
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing.
Just show me somebody naked!”   Jerry Seinfeld
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run
one at a time.” Robin Williams
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”  Joan Rivers
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
Steve Martin
You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked
every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.   Elmo Phillips
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”   Oscar Wilde

7-17-17

Weather: Beautiful, looks like a nice week.

Becker’s birthday week, I’m taking her out of town for a few days. We are heading down to The House on the Rock. Looks like a nice week weather wise, a little rain maybe but mostly sunshine.

I’m not sure if I’m going to have internet access so here are a few jokes to tie you over.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.’ 
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ 
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’ 
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. 
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’ 
‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’ 
Twelve thirty.’ 

 

 

 

 

 

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ 
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

7-14-17

Weather: Beautiful, looks like a nice weekend.

Gonna be nice out, I can assure it, I have to work. Becker’s birthday next week, we are taking a few days and going to see The House on the Rock. It has been 32 years since I have been there but I would bet it has not changed that much.

I big Thank You shout out to the Ladies from Lake Gogebic Quilters for making this for me. For those of you who do not know about them, they work their asses off making Quilts and giving them away to those in need. I am not sure what I did to deserve this but thank you again very much. If you ever have a few extra bucks in your pocket that you would like to donate to a very worthy cause they meet at the Bergland Township building 1 or 2 times a month. Or contact Gloria Johnson, it is a very good thing they do for our community.

 

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around,

faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,

“Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime,

anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door,

back door,

on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with

clothes on…It doesn’t matter to me.  I just love it!!”

His eyes now wide with interest, he responds,

“No kidding… I’m in Government too!  Are you federal or state?”

7-12-17

Weather: Thunderstorms today.

75 degrees and thunderstorms today and tomorrow a high of 55 degrees.

 

Some old cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales. 



Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, “I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.”
 
 


Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn’t stand to be bested. “That’s nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp – didn’t even get a belly ache.”
 
 


Old Minnesota River Dave, the cowboy from Mankato, MN., remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker…

 

7-11-17

Weather: In the 80’s but still a nice day.

I think it may be a go float in the Lake day for Becker and I. Not a whole lot going on right now, working on a new website for rentals for this winter, it should be finished soon and I will start taking reservations for this coming winter.

 

1..Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.
It’s called …’Ministers do more than Lay People’
https://sites.google.com/site/sundayfamilyhumour9/sunday-family-humour--26th-july/sunday-family-humour-26th-july-page-2/Banister of Life 1.jpg?attredirects=0
2..Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary. 
3..The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
https://sites.google.com/site/sundayfamilyhumour9/sunday-family-humour--26th-july/sunday-family-humour-26th-july-page-2/Banister of Life 4.jpg?attredirects=0
4..My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone. 
5..The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
https://sites.google.com/site/sundayfamilyhumour9/sunday-family-humour--26th-july/sunday-family-humour-26th-july-page-2/Banister of Life 6.jpg?attredirects=0
6..I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 
7..It used to be only death and taxes.   Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
https://sites.google.com/site/sundayfamilyhumour9/sunday-family-humour--26th-july/sunday-family-humour-26th-july-page-2/Banister of Life 8.jpg?attredirects=0
8..A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 
9..My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.
https://sites.google.com/site/sundayfamilyhumour9/sunday-family-humour--26th-july/sunday-family-humour-26th-july-page-2/Banister of Life 10.jpg?attredirects=0
10.. Definition of a teenager?  God’s punishment…for enjoying sex.
Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you  feel… because those that matter.       ..don’t mind…and those that mind… don’t matter!
 And as you slide down that Banister of Life
you should pray that all the splinters are 
pointed the other way…

7-10-17

Weather: Hot the next few days then back to the 60’s.

UP weather, gotta love it.

AIRCRAFT HITS 4 BUILDINGS Reported to be a Marine Pilot ]
This is tough to see.  It just shows the dangers of attending these events.  Amazing photo below shows great detail.
 
The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.   It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show & slams into four buildings.
 
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

7-6-17

Weather: Beautiful, thunder storms, sunshine, thunder storms, more sunshine.

Becker and I were in the lake til about 1am. The skeeters sucked but we kept smoking and putting on off. LOL on off. We floated around on a tube, drinking beer and BSing. It doesn’t get any better than that.

 

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:

Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story — In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats”.
But, none of them comes up to the man – touches his penis and say, “Good job”.
Moral of the story — Hard work is rarely appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness – but it’s far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy – but remember the asshole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble – they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.    
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems – but then neither does milk.
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE ….
5. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband

7-5-17

Weather: Beautiful, some rain but mostly Beautiful.

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th. We celebrated the 3rd because the brothers had to head home. Well I still celebrated yesterday by myself, drunk early and to bed early LOL

 

USMC 

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side
of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The
Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the
squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here and
coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took
cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein
was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. He yelled
back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who
isn’t even an American.”

“So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! “

He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

“…and there we were, in the middle of the road shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”

 

6-30-17

Weather: Now no rain till Wednesday. LOL

From now on I am going to use my personal weather rock in the back yard, if it is dull it is overcast, shiny it is sunny wet it is raining out. It may rain today, it may not, it may be sunny or maybe not. Hey I can be a weatherman too.

Last day of June today, Summer is going fast and it doesn’t seen like it even got here yet. The 4th is Tuesday so get those hot dogs, hamburgers and fireworks ready, I am predicting sunny skies LOL.

No matter what side of the AISLE you’re on, THIS is FUNNY!  

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid’s great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889 Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows  in Montana territory:

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: ‘Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.’

So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle. 

Harry Reid:

Believe it or not, Harry Reid’s staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research: 

“Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”


NOW THAT’s how it’s done, Folks!  That’s real POLITICAL SPIN
 !!!

 

6-29-17

Weather: Rain for a week.

Looks like a few more rainy or drizzly days and then it may turn nice for the 4th. LOL at least that is what it says now. Well if it is raining for your cook outs that is why God created the Garage. Some of the best parties we had were during a rainy day drinking beer in the garage.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. jo“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”“Oh God no!” cries the man “My golfing is over!Please Doc, what’s the good news?” “The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm and I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.” “Go for it doc,” says the man, “as long as I can play golf again.” The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon. “Just great,” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.” “That’s great,” said the surgeon. “Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours.”“That’s unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”“Well, just two, said the golfer, “I have trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection, I get a headache.”