8-29-15

Weather: A little rain coming our way.

Rain today and early next week. But warm temps none the less. Marty sent me a pretty cool video of a ride they took going up the Pioneer trail. It shows them riding a long side of M-28, this is a legal spot where you are allowed to run on the shoulder of a state highway, it is marked with the Mi-Trale signs. If a State Highway is not marked it is NOT LEGAL. Thanks Marty for sending the link, looks a little muddy after all the rain we been having, but that’s part of the fun. Click here to view their ride.

Splinters in her crotch……

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA.  There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.  She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.  As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.  In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.  In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.
She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.  The doctor listened to her story with great patience, and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.  The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?”
He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a “recreational area” so close to a waste treatment facility.  I’m sorry, but due to ObamaCare…they turned you down.

8-28-15

Weather: Beautiful.

Two lawns down and one to go. Ground bees were all over the place at Mom’s house, I kept pissing them off by running the lawn mower over their hives. They didn’t get me though. But I’m not done yet either.

Fish on Fridays

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.  When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
 
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, heembraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.  

The woman shut up  and quietly sat down in a daze. 
  
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”
 
“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, …But I fish on Fridays…” 

8-27-15

Weather: 3 days in the 70’s then 7 days in the 80’s.

Looks like summer is back in the UP. And I guess that means grass cutting day.

 

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.  
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went.
  

My engaged friend
   :  
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
  

The mistress:
  
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
  

Then I had to share my story:
  
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
      
” What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

8-26-15

Weather: Warmer and sunny.

Started waxing the floor at 8am and got the last coat on by 5pm. Glad that is done and over with, next time it is Becker’s turn LOL.

Hey we have nice weather ahead of us, back into the 80’s with not much rain in sight. Although I am still going to start putting away stuff for winter, these last few days really got me motivated.

Two 90-year-old men, Phil and Joe, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Phil was dying, Joe visited him every day.
 
One day Joe said, “Phil, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor:   when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s baseball there.”
Phil looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”
Shortly after that, Phil died.
A few nights later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Joe, Joe .”
“Who is it,” asked Joe, sitting up suddenly.  “Who is it?”
“Joe — it’s me, Phil”
“You’re not Phil . Phil just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Phil,” insisted the voice.
“Phil,  where are you?”
“In heaven,” replied Phil. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Joe.

“The good news,” Phil said with joy and enthusiasm, “is that there is baseball in heaven.  Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here, too.   Even better than that, we’re all young again.  Better still, it’s always Springtime and it never rains or snows.  And best of all, we can play ball all we want, and we never get tired.  And we get to play with all the Greats of the past.”

“That’s fantastic,” said Joe “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re pitching Tuesday.”

8-25-15

Weather: Warm up after today.

9am and already have the first coat of wax drying on the floor. So sorry I closed up early on you last night Ron Brown, I was scrubbing the floor and fixing up messed up tiles. Tomorrow you will be able to eat of the floor, if you get there early that is. We will be back open for business Wednesday, glad this is only a once a year kind of deal.

The Blind Cashier at Bass Pro Shop

 

A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday.

She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

 

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

 

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

 

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

 

He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

 

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.  I’ll take it!”

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

 

“Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard,” he says.

 

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

 

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

 

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?

How did you get $34.50?”

 

He replies, “The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.”

 

 

8-24-15

Weather: 50’s and rain, for a few days.

Getting ready today for putting on the finish at the floor. I’m told it is not wax, it is a finish LOL. Anyway it takes 5 fricken coats. So we will be closed tomorrow. Gotta get er done, fall is coming and you know what that means……. no not snow yet, all the trees in the woods will be changing into pretty colors. Holy crap I just used the word pretty.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.”
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s has to be your ears.”
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears?
Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.  I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin – not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?”
Clearing his throat, he stammered… “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming…that was me.”

8-23-15

Weather: 60,s and 50’s and rain, oh my.

August is going fast, and it looks like some Fall weather is headed our way for a few days. You can see a few leaves here and there starting to turn.

I had a party down at the garage last night, only one that showed up was me, tequila and bush light LOL. Listened to some Government Mule and some Blues Travelers.  What a great time, I even got a little work done. I put up some cabinets and even put stuff away. Brother Mark would be proud of me. So would Jose Quarvo.

 

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

“We’ve been trying for months now, doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.

“I’m sure we´ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her.

“If you’ll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table.”

“Well, all right, doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.

 

 

 

8-22-15

Weather: Nice today and then cool.

Cooling off next week, high of 55 one day. Fall is in the air.

I bought Becker a new Dell 2 and 1 they call it, computer with windows 10. Maybe I been on an apple too long, what a piece of crap. Give me windows xp back, if it is not broke why do they keep trying to fix it.

Not a lot going on, the bar will be closed this Tuesday, I need to put a finish on the new floor we put in the bar. I’m using a commercial product that takes 5 fricken coats. Plus it will need extra drying time before I move everything back in.

 A Marine Wife Confesses
This came from a Marine’s wife. It says it all:
“I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government
underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short years ago.
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Barack Obama took his
Oath of Office.
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines,
in full dress uniform with rifles,fire a 21-gun salute to the President.
It was then that I realized how far America’s military had deteriorated.
Every one of them missed the bastard.”

8-21-15

Weather: Back to sunshine.

Hey Wisconsin, I got this from one of our Caledonia Boys

Tom,  could you do us Caledonia boys a favor??  Take a look at this link.  http://kstp.com/article/stories/s3883676.shtml  Could you get something up on your website about this??  The three of us that were up there on the vets ride last year are heading up this committee and are members of the FD in Caledonia here.  Shitty deal.  Big time shitty deal.  Really would like to find the car and the assholes that stole it….  Hate theives!!!!!!  Thanks man.

 

8-20-15

Weather: Cold and rainy.

WOW woke up this morning freezing my ass off. Temp was 54 outside and 68 in the house. Why is it 54 degrees seems so warm in March but cold in August? Even the 68 in the house seemed cold, I kicked the heat on for a minute to take the dampness out.

Maybe this has something to do with it, 3 months, 10 days, 12 hours and 35 minutes till the trails open up.

 

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