3-2-15 10am

Weather: Snow tomorrow and warmer for the weekend

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

Trails were all in pretty good shape yesterday. Snow coming in tomorrow. Temps are down this week but look to be creeping up into the thirties for the weekend. So far next week even looks to be getting a bit warmer, trails will be fine for a while so we will see what happens after that. I am still planning to go for a ride next week so I may be able to give a trail side report. If it gets that warm it may change my plans a bit and I may have to head north again instead of east.

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb. 
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 
Women blink twice as often as men. 
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women
will be finished reading this by now.
Men
are still looking at their thumbs.
ATT00002

3-1-15 9am

Weather: Warmer and snow possible

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

From talking to riders it sounds like 1 north got bit up a bit yesterday, I’m sure the some of the others got beat up a bit with all the traffic and warm sun beating down. We have warm temps the next few day but it is still getting cold at night. I didn’t expect all the traffic that we had this weekend, in fact Friday was one of the busiest days we had all year.  Why, I have no idea, I figured it would be winding down this weekend and then we get hit big time. But a big thank you to everyone that stopped in. I’ll never understand business in the UP, it is either feast or famine.

It’s March 1st and usually it slows way down. I am planning on taking off for a ride on the 9th, hopefully that week is a lot slower. Did I really say that? As March goes on either all of you get into other interests or don’t believe the trails are still in good shape. I have road in March the last 3 or 4 years and I have always have great conditions. We groom till the end of March, weather permitting, time will tell how the rest of the month plays out.

A shout out to Joe Cretney, you had to try and fly your sled at the Skyview, you missed the beef buddy.

COLD WINTER WEATHER REPORT
It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold  or mild.
 
 
  Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.
 
 
  Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
 
  But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’
 
 
  ‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
 
 
  So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
 
 
  A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’ 
 
 
  ‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’
 
 
  The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
 
 
  Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’
 
 
  ‘Absolutely,’ the man replied.  ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’

 

 
  ‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.
 
  The weatherman replied,   ‘The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood’

 

2-28-15 10am

Weather: Warmer for a few days, snow Tuesday?

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

Trails were very good most of the day but started to get beat up by later last night. It’s no wonder, tons of sleds up. Temps are in the high 20’s the next few days, it will probably be good riding early and rougher as the day goes on in high traveled areas.

I haven’t seen the sheriff’s department around but stay off the highway and r/r tracks just the same. Riders continue to use 64 north from the Mobil to get back on the trail. They are also going up the street in front of the bar and going down 28 to get to the Mobil.

 

The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.


You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new suit…’

He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit..’

The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… Size 44 long.’

Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’

‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’

Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’

The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’

Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’

‘Been in the business 60 years.’

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’

Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’

The salesman said, ‘Let’s see… Size 36.

Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’

The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.’



New suit – $400
New shirt – $36
New underwear – $6
Second Opinion Priceless

 

2-27-15 8:30 am

Weather: -12 at 8am, warmer than yesterday.

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

Once again I expect trails to be flat, hard and smooth. Cold temps and lower traffic should make for a good combination out there. Use caution out on the Lake, it looks like a sled went in out in front of the Merriweather Bridge on the north east corner of the lake. Click here to see 

The Sheriff’s Department will be patrolling Bergland and giving out stiffer fines to any one caught riding sleds on the highways around Bergland. I’m sure the same goes for the rail road tracks between Merriweather and Bergland. Sleds have been riding through the front yards of residents too. They have been riding all over the highways the whole year. Please do not come into my place complaining about the DNR or the County Sheriff, they are only out doing their job. They are here because of way to many complaints that the snowmobilers before you caused. Pipes are going to get you pulled over too.

One Little Dot.
A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class.  He Picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
 Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
 “It’s a ‘period’,” he replied.
 “I can see that,” said the teacher, “but what is so exciting about a ‘period’?”
 “Darned if I know,” said the little boy, but yesterday my sister was missing one, Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Navy.”

2-26-15 8:30am

Weather: -24 at 8am, warmer starting tomorrow.

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

Wow, it is cold. But the trails should be hard and smooth, and lonely for that matter. But if I know snowmobilers I am sure there are of few of them out riding this morning. I’m going to take another day off if I can, one more day and I should be back up and running, we probably won’t be selling food today because of me being off though.

I would expect the trails to be good to very good conditions considering the weather, I have not talked to any riders because I was home all day but I would be willing to bet a bundle that everything is in great shape.

The Sheriff’s Department will be patrolling Bergland and giving out stiffer fines to any one caught riding sleds on the highways around Bergland. I’m sure the same goes for the rail road tracks between Merriweather and Bergland. Sleds have been riding through the front yards of residents too. They have been riding all over the highways the whole year. Please do not come into my place complaining about the DNR or the County Sheriff, they are only out doing their job. They are here because of way to many complaints that the snowmobilers before you caused. Pipes are going to get you pulled over too.

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me.  I have a killer jigsaw  puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little silver- haired lady says,  “According to the picture on the
box, it’s a  rooster.”
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the  puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be  able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her  hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh ………….
“let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

 

2-25-15 9:30am

Weather: Cold for the next few days then warming up a bit

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

A bit on the chilly side this morning, although it looks real nice by the web cam pics. I didn’t talk to too many riders yesterday, I got the flu bug and it is kicking my ass. Came home at 6pm yesterday, jumped in bed by 8 and slept till 9 this morning. Hopefully today is going to be a better day.

Trails should be in pretty good shape overall, traffic is down and with the cold temps they should be hard as a rock.

The Sheriff’s Department will be patrolling Bergland and giving out stiffer fines to any one caught riding sleds on the highways around Bergland. I’m sure the same goes for the rail road tracks between Merriweather and Bergland. Sleds have been riding through the front yards of residents too. They have been riding all over the highways the whole year. Please do not come into my place complaining about the DNR or the County Sheriff, they are only out doing their job. They are here because of way to many complaints that the snowmobilers before you caused. Pipes are going to get you pulled over too.

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Ontonagon; but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:
“Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?

2-24-15 9am

Weather: Warmer with a chance of snow

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good.

Well I guess I broke some kind of rule I was not aware of, no longer will I report on businesses access trails.

The Sheriff’s Department warned us yesterday that they will be patrolling Bergland and giving out stiffer fines to any one caught riding sleds on the highways around Bergland. I’m sure the same goes for the rail road tracks between Merriweather and Bergland. Sleds have been riding through the front yards of residents too. They have been riding all over the highways the whole year. Please do not come into my place complaining about the DNR or the County Sheriff, they are only out doing their job. They are here because of way to many complaints that the snowmobilers before you caused. Pipes are going to get you pulled over too.

Trails should be good to very good, it is a bit warmer today and snowing pretty heavy. Weather Reports are calling for 1-3, maybe we can get a little extra. Looks like a nice weekend to ride, if I was you I would get my ass up here.

 

      Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant,
Who had 8 kids already,
Three who were deaf,
Two who were blind,
One mentally retarded,
And she had syphilis,
Would you recommend that she undergoes an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts..
Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He’s had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
And drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.
Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,
Sleeps until noon,
Used opium in college
And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero,
He’s a vegetarian,
Doesn’t smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer
And never committed adultery.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first … No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn’t it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember:
Amateurs … Built the ark.
Professionals … Built the Titanic

2-23-15 10:30pm

Warning from the Sheriff’s Dept.

They are going to ticket anyone caught riding the Highway’s around Bergland on sleds with increased fines.  Riders have been using M-28 and M-64 all year, the police have received too many complaints and they will be out.  

2-23-15 1:30pm

Weather: A little warmer the rest of the week

Trail Conditions: Most are Good to Very good.

 

The Hoop’s Access trail has been groomed. It is fine to use, by no means why I trying to tell people to stay away from the Hoop n Hollar, even though it may have been taken the wrong way.

 

2-23-15 9am

Weather: A little warmer the rest of the week

Trail Conditions: Most are Good to Very good.

Stay away from 11n and the Hoop’s access trail. 13 between Bergland and Rockland is hit and miss. All others should be in pretty good shape by now. Heavy heavy traffic this weekend, I think that we had a carry over from President’s day weekend.

I have been coming down with a cold, thought I might just avoid it this year but bigger than shit it jumped up and bit me in the ass this weekend. But thank’s to friends from Iowa that have a place in Texas I have Mexican Amoxicillian. Hopefully I can self medicate and still go on a ride in two weeks.

A shout out to Bones, the lasagna was great, thank you.

Arthur is 90 years old.
He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf.

My eyesight has got so bad.
Once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes.

 
As they sit down, she has a suggestion:
“Why don’t you take my brother with you,
and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur.

“Your brother is a hundred and three.
He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife,

“but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law.

“Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!”, says the brother-in-law.

“I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“Can’t remember.”