Bergland Bay Bar

Weather: Mild temps.

Yesterday’s forecast looked like 5-20″ starting Monday, this morning it looks like 4-8″, guess we will just have to wait and see.

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.

The driver tells his friend, “Peel the labels off these beer bottles, and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking.”

The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. “Have you been drinking?” he asks.

“No, sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”

“Then what on earth are those beer labels doing on your foreheads?”

“We’re both alcoholics,” says the drunk. “We’re on the patch.”

Weather: Mild temps.

I am going to go crawl into bed and not come out until Saturday. Why you ask, possible snow Saturday thru next Thursday. The image below is from John Dee, most exciting forecast we have seen so far this season. But don’t pack your bags and load up those sleds just yet, all this will be is a start, we need cold air. Temps after Saturday are heading in the right direction, we just need cold and lots of it.

Weather: Mild temps.

Starting Sunday it looks a little promising, a little snow may be heading our way. Not fantastic news, but the best we have had in a while.

Weather: Mild temps.

Goon news, the temp was all the way down to 27 degrees this morning. Temps are also forecasted to keep going down earlier next week with a hint of snow. Best forecast I’ve seen in a while. Hopefully we keep going in the right direction.

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,
Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’
Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe.
Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’
Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father.
Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’
Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

Donation

Father O’Malley answers the phone. ‘Hello, is this Father O’Malley?’
‘It is!’
This is the IRS. Can you help us?’
‘I can!’
‘Do you know a Ted Houlihan?’
‘I do!’
‘Is he a member of your congregation?’
He is!’
‘Did he donate $10,000 to the church?’
‘He will.’

Weather: Mild temps

News flash forecast is for below freezing temps, bad news is, that is a week away.

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender.  The robot says, “What will you have?”

Weather: Mild temps

Still not looking good for us weather wise, still high 30’s and low 40’s a week out. We might be seeing a January start to the season this year. Most of the ice has left the lake, not that there was a lot a week ago, but the north side was freezing over. Now we just have some on the east side of the bay. We need cold and lots of it.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.  The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs.  She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.  Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.  The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.  Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store… 

(Please scroll down.) 

What were you Thinking?

Her husband speaks English… hellooo!

I worry about you Sometimes! 

Weather: Mild temps.

Nothing good to say about the weather. Hoping for things to get better by Christmas maybe.

So how about that football game last night? Packers out scored the Lions 27-6 in the second half, after the Lions shut down the Packers in the first half. But a hail mary td pass after a questionable penalty? A win is a win but I would not consider that a good game for the Packers. Actually the first time they played this year neither team deserved to win either, but the Lions came out on top that game. So everything worked out in the end, 2 games, neither team deserved to win either game, and they split, so all is fine.

But let me say this, Thank You Packers and Lions for 2 of the most enjoyable and exciting football games to watch in a long time. Both games this year you kept us on the edge of our seats throughout the games.

A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.

When he arrived he said to Allah he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised.  Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex.  So you’re here to service them.  Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty.  I shall banish you fromParadise should you fail! “;

The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”

Allah replied, “Who told you they were women?”

Weather: Mild temps.

I feel like the Maytag repairman up here. I’m not sure how old you have to be to remember that joke. We are just going to have to sit back and wait here and hope things can get into shape by Christmas. Bad part is the lake has a long way to go to freeze over.

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents. 

Weather: Mild temps.

OUCH, 10 day outlook really really sucks. A week from Friday is calling for 47 degrees and rain. I think we need a drastic change in the air currents around here. It can happen. Stay tuned……..

Weather: Mild temps.

So much for the 1-3. Now we are expecting less than an inch. Happy Snowmobile Trail Opening Day.

We need to look on the bright side, look how many cows will be saved because we will not be serving beef sandwiches at the Bar the first week or so. That should make some of those animal activists happy. Time to head to Watersmeet Casino and make a donation to the Sno gods, that’s what our good departed friend Dave would say. Hey Dave do us a favor please, talk to God and ask him to make it cold and start the big snow machine north of us. Don’t worry friends, if anyone can convince God to make it snow…………Dave can. PS Hi Jayne

UPDATE: I wrote the above at 10am, it is now 11:30am and snowing hard. Thanks Dave.

Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said; “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.”

Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, “Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.”

Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Priest said, “We will get you a better bed.”

After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the Priest.

“You may say another two words, Sister Mary.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary in to his office. “You may say two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary.

“It’s probably best,” said the Priest, “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here.”