Bergland Bay Bar

Weather: Nice

What a beautiful weekend, in the 70’s. I am not sure what happened to all the beer I had in the fridge, The Kebler Elves must have stopped by overnight and helped themselves.

Ice is disappearing from Lake Gogebic, checkout the web cams, we should be seeing more open water everyday.

A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him said, ‘How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!’

‘What a coincidence’ the farmer said. ‘This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.’

‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,’ said the woman.’

‘What a coincidence!’ said the farmer.

As they clinked glasses he added: ‘What are you celebrating?’

‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!’

‘What a coincidence!’ said the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.’

‘That’s great!’ said the woman, ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’

‘I used a different cock,’ he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said ‘what a coincidence!’

Weather: Beautiful, just fricken beautiful.

Below is an article that appeared in the Ironwood Globe. I know some of you took the time to write to MSA this winter, Thank You.

Ironwood — The Michigan Snowmobile Association and Department of Natural Resources invites the public to a joint meeting with the Western Upper Peninsula Snow Shakers on Thursday, April 28, at 1 p.m. at Gogebic Community College.

Robert Youngberg, Snow Shakers club president, said the club is a nonprofit organization dedicated to the maintenance and improvement of 112 miles of snowmobile trails in the area. Formerly, the Snow Shakers were the Gogebic Range Trail Authority.

Youngberg said the club has fairly new members that have taken over the task of keeping the trails smooth for snowmobilers. But he said the club has only five members taking on grooming.

Because of this, Youngberg said the DNR and the MSA are concerned about the ability of the group to maintain the trails without more local support to keep the “gateway” open.

Youngberg encourages all winter sports enthusiasts, business owners, community leaders and area residents to attend the meeting to help develop a plan to bring the area’s snowmobile trails back to the standards that will increase snowmobile use through and to local businesses.

Michael Brown, Ironwood Community Development Director, said snowmobiling is crucial for the area economy. “It’s a great resource for Ironwood and the surrounding area,” he said.

The meeting will be in the Solin Center for Business.

Weather: 

Happy people in the UP. 70 degrees the next 3 days. Snow is melting and water can be seen on the Lake. It may be bon fire and beer type of day. Gotta get ready for the new dock at Mom’s house. I think I am going to leave the tequila alone today though.

Sex After death
 
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
 
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
 
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die.
 
True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”
 
“Is that you, Frank?”
 
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
 
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
 
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course.
 
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times..
 
Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens).
 
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
 
After supper, it’s back to the golf course again.
 
Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
 
“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”
 
“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona .”

Weather: 60’s and Sunny.

Bye bye snow, you miserable white shit. LOL, if it is not making us money we don’t want it. In November we look forward to it coming, but when the snowmobiles quit heading in to town it is time for it to go. This last month seemed like 3 months. But the nice wether will bring people back out and into the bar. The snow will be leaving us and we should see water on the Lake in about 2 weeks, Spring is here.

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square . The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him  ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him   ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says  ‘Your Eminence’.” The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him   ‘Your Holiness’.” Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, “Well….?” She proudly replies,  I have a daughter, SLIM & TALL 40 D Breasts 24″ WAIST and 34″ HIPS When she walks into a room, people say, “ JESUS”!

Weather: Damn near 50 today.

Don’t know if I can handle another nice day. Tequila went down too good yesterday. Hung out at the garage, probably be back there today too.

I been reading in the news lately about kids being confused about their sexuality being allowed to use what ever bathroom they fell comfortable with. WTF is wrong with people. I have no problem with gays, lesbians or transgender people.  But letting a boy go into the bathroom my daughter is using? Or a grown man with my wife? What kind of idiots would allow something like this? Politicians after votes. Why would you accommodate one person at many other peoples expense?  Over the years people usually get smarter, but I’m sorry to say I think we are getting dumber every day.

I am so sick of this election bullshit. I liked Donald Trump in the beginning, I thought being a business man he would be just what our country needed. But the Donald’s campaign has turned into a normal political race. Why can’t people just say what good they will do for the country. All they do is talk bullshit about each other. Just make the others look bad so they don’t seem as bad. This country is screwed, just another reason I’m glad I live in the UP. Screw it, time for bush light and tequila down at mom’s garage, just drink and watch the world go by.

The Overweight Irishman
  
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day …… And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.’

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

‘Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’

The Irishman nodded … ‘I’ll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat ‘tird day.’

‘From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.

‘No, from the f**kin’ skippin’!’

Weather: Still waiting for the warm up.

Almost above freezing at 11am. Right now it is the coldest it is going to be for the next 10 days. (hopefully a lot longer than that) We might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Has Spring really Sprung?

Not a damn thing going on up here right now, I actually closed the bar the last 2 Sunday and Mondays. With nicer weather on the way though it will be back to open 7 days starting today.

Mom seen a Robin in her yard this morning and snapped a pic

Weather: Warming up this week.

Bout time Mother Nature, into the 70’s by the weekend. Spring fever has sprung. Can’t wait to get out in the sunshine and drink a few bush lights. Maybe even some beach clean up at Mom’s house. This weekends temps should put a dent in the ice on the lake too. Hey maybe we can get the dock delivered. I maybe rushing things a little, but that’s what Spring Fever is right?

Gotta take a road trip to see Miller down in Missouri, not sure if I will recognize him and Holly without their snowmobile gear on. 1500 miles of driving in 2 days, that sucks. But it will be worth it just to see miller’s smiling face.

I am taking a break on the weekends doing the blog, page views are down on the weekend and it also gives me 2 extra days to do something stupid so I have something to write about.

Beer &    Colonoscopy

I went into his office for my first rectal exam.
His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room.
She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor
could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next
to the exam table: A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove And a beer
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused.
This is myfirst exam. I know what the K-Y is for, And I know what the
glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is for?”
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over
to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse,
“Damn it,    Evelyn !……… I said  a BUTT LIGHT”

Only Bergland people will get these next 2 pics…..

Weather: Snow, 3-9 over the next few days.

Mother Nature is just laughing her ass off at us. Look what she put on the Weather Channel.

Shout out to Dan S, Jamaica called, they said next time you visit to leave your SPEDO at home.

A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Richmond and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.  You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination.

The annual salary is $65,000, and you’ll have to go to Billings, Montana.”

“Good grief”, the man asked, “Is that where the job is?”

“No sir . . . that’s where the end of the line is right now.

Weather: Shitty till the middle of new week.

Nothing good going on up here, just sitting and waiting. I think everyone has Spring Fever.

Our friend Olaf from Germany has tried to reproduce the Bergland Bay Bar Beef in Germany. Looks good Olaf, save me a bite…. And look, he has a can of KBC Widowmaker in his hand.

CAUTION: Contains nudity. Must be 18 to enter (and under 65) Hey Gay, maybe this will get Ralph out of the house on Wednesday nights.

Nude Bowling coming to the UP

Weather: Snow, good ole fricken snow.

Mother Nature is giving us a big ole middle finger. Here UP have another foot of useless snow. By the time the week is over we could very well receive a foot of snow again. What good is snow in the UP without beef sandwiches and Snowmobilers I ask? Just another example of how the women in our lives actually run our lives I guess. Oh well, grin and bare it I guess, nothing we can do about it anyways.

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

“We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills.”

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.

“Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied.

They ask, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

“It doesn’t really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon “