Bergland Bay Bar

Weather: Up to 40 today.

Spring is slow coming this year. Not much else to talk about except the weather these days. Whether or not you should get dressed and go out of the house. This is probably the worst time of the year in the UP. Either too sloppy to do anything or too cold. Just gotta sit and wait it out.

A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY’S. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT. AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS.

VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR. AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER… GOOD LOOKING AS WELL. COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY’S. HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, “GOOD DAY, MADAM… HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY?”

BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW ‎MISSED HER LITTLE ‘INCIDENT’, SHE ASKS, “SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET??”

HE ANSWERS,  “MADAM… IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT, YOU’RE GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.”

Weather: Cold is hanging on.

Spring is not coming this year. Who cares though, bing ass snow flakes came down the last few days. Eliminating all chance of doing yard work. Just been hanging out at Mom’s house, working on taxes and looking at the frozen Lake.

Weather: 4-5″ of Snow.

I wasn’t going to write anything today but I took Misty’s check down to the bar and low and behold the were 4 crazy ass sledders just getting ready to leave the parking lot on sleds. Misty told me they are from Wisconsin but they have a place in White Pine. Now I guess I have to go search for a joke to put on here…..

Cowboy Chili . . .

A cowboy walks into a seedy old café in Wyoming.  He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chili.

After a few minutes of just watching him staring at the chili, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?”

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, “Nah, you go ahead.”

“Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.  He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.”

Weather: Snow.

OK get them sleds back out. We got about 2 feet and it is still snowing. Another couple of feet due tomorrow. In honor of this last blast of winter all the food and drinks at the BBB are on me. Free lodging and free food and gas are everywhere too.

Happy April 1st.

New medicine:

A flat-chested young lady reads an article in a magazine that states Dr. Bumbutu in Africa can enlarge breasts without surgery.

So she travels to Africa seeking the doctor’s help.

Dr. Bumbutu advises her, ‘Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!’

After doing this faithfully for several months, she’s grown to a D-cup!

One morning she’s running late and rushes to make her bus. In a panic, she realizes that she forgot her morning ritual. Frightened that she might lose her new boobs if she doesn’t recite the rhyme, she stands in the middle aisle of the bus, closes her eyes and says, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.’

A guy sitting nearby looks at her and asks, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?”

‘Yes. How did you know?’

He winks and whispers, ‘ Hickory dickory dock.’