Archive for June 30, 2016

6-30-16

Weather: Rain today.

Last day of June, time is flying by, guess I am old. My Great Grandmother used to say “honey the older you get the faster time flies by.” I didn’t understand it then but I do now.

 

MEDICARE PART G
Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no
Nursing Home care available for you.  So, what do you do?  You opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet.  You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician.  This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.  Need new teeth?  No problem.  Need glasses? That’s great.  Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change or heart?  They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And, who will be paying for all of this?  The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home.

And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes!
Is this a great country or what?
Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem,,,,, have a good day!

6-29-16

Weather: Couldn’t be any better.

I had a great day yesterday, splitting wood, drinking beer and watching the fire. Thought about going for a ride on the side by side but I got a little work done instead. The bugs were not bad and the beer was very cold. The only way the day could have been any better is if my brothers were here splitting the wood and all I did was drink the cold beer.

IMG_0912

A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits’ end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past.

The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?”

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “WHERE IS GOD?”

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.

The younger brother replied, “We are in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!”

6-28-16

Weather: Sunshine is back.

Tuesday today and what to do? Gonna try and get something done today. Probably time to cut grass again, my favorite past time up here. By the time I get all 3 yards done it is time to start all over again on the first one.

Maybe I should just jump on the side by side and go see Jane for a Sloppy Hoppy. That would piss Becker off and I could proudly say I accomplished something today.

 

A liberal friend in California asked me what I thought he might need in order to defend his home and family from home invasion.  I suggested a 9mm, a couple of clips, and a box of shells.
Californ
A few days later he sent me this picture and asked me how to make it all work.
He voted for Obama…twice.

6-27-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Today is a nice break from the heat, only going up to 58 degrees today. Nice day to work, no sun today.

ATV season is going fast, it is already the end of June and Becker and I have not been out on the trails at all. I think we better plan a ride here before the snow hits.

The sale of the bar is moving along, Les (Becker’s son) is in the process of getting the liquor license, but there is no need to panic, you will still get the friendly staff I think we have supplied over the past ten years, in fact it should even get better, they are younger. Les and Shelly also realize how important the web site and daily reports are to all of you and they plan on continuing to provide you with honest reports of conditions up here. (and hopefully a daily joke) Actually I will have more time to do stupid shit I can write about too. Shelly’s son does computer programing and has some ideas to make the web site better.

We are taking reservations for the little house, in fact it is starting to fill up pretty good. I have a calendar on line so you can see what is still open.

I will very soon have another house for rent, this one is right on Lake Gogebic. I’ll have pics and details very soon.

oldguy

EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELING!
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”
She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”
He shrugged and turned away saying, “Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”
She didn’t jump.
77AF5CE5BE3A4A4782F0530F30387957

Rodney Update

Weather: Sunshine.

Update from Tobi on Rodney: Grams got the tube out. He is talking and making jokes. He remembers being stuck in the mud, but not knowing how he got there. No word on cause or plan yet.

Only thing I would like to add is I think she meant Gramps……

6-24-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Update on  Rodney from Tobi: (yesterday) MRI was done, no stroke or brain damage, ultrasound of his heart, no heart attack. Still on ventilator, but the machine is only doing 12% of the work, gramps is doing 88% on own. They still have him sedated, but only cuz they want him to rest. They will start taking him off the meds later this evening n should slowly start waking up.

(Today) Gramps still has tube in, but has been breathing on his own for the last 2 hours. The RN says that the doc needs to evaluate, but will likely give the order to remove the tube. All other vitals are stable n resting now.

Hopefully Tobi can pass this on to Rodney…….

Subject:  Basic Rules for Good Health


1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol
Level.

SO, REMEMBER …

6. FISHING is good for your health and soul,
And may the Good Lord cleanse your FILTHY
Mind!

6-23-16

Weather: Sunshine.

I wish I could say nothing was going on up here but yesterday morning Rod “Puss” Ellsworth became confused and wondered off into the woods. With the help of Police, USFS and DNR, he was found and taken off to the hospital. Last we heard his vitals were better and he was holding his own. Prayers to Rod and his family.

http://www.uppermichiganssource.com/content/news/Missing-man-hospitalized-384100961.html

 

6-22-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood, and many more to come by the look of the forecast. I need to get my ass in gear this morning and keep getting shit done. Now the only question is what to do next? Bush Light or maybe some Hennigins?

A shout out to Pops, Happy Birthday Dad, don’t worry about Mom, I think the Boys and I are taking pretty good care of her.

With the on-set of deer hunting season…..a good question!

Looking forward to hunting season but I do have a question.  If
I shoot a buck, but I only have a doe tag, can I claim that
the buck wasn’t really a buck?
 
I mean … maybe he’d always wanted to be a doe, but with
no choice of his own he was born with the physical
attributes of a male.  And yet … on the inside
he’d always known he was truly a female.

I’m just wondering if the game warden will buy it, because
society and the Supreme Court certainly do.

6-21-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Another beautiful day in the UP. In fact no rain in sight. I spent yesterday shopping with Mom and going to the Lawyer’s office. Gotta hate legal shit. Gotta work today, I think it may be time for a beer.

Subject: Better Than A Flu Shot
.
. Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties, had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, in the water floated of all things, a condom!
>>>>>> When she returned With tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him he could no longer resist. ‘Miss Beatrice’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this? Pointing to the bowl. ‘Oh, yes,’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!

6-20-16

Weather: Sunshine.

Had a great week with my Brothers and we got a lot done at Mom’s house. We built a deck, put up her screened house, replanted her bushes, put in edging, got wood for winter, cut grass and did all the trimming around the yard. Nice job guys, we need to do this at least once a month.

Friday we rented a few 4-seaters from Mark and Marlin at Timberline Sports. Everyone had a blast. The best was when we were in Greenland and got lost and ended up in the mud.

Ontonagon did a great job of signing through town, I wish Greenland would do the same. It is very confusing, and when I asked the cashier at the gas station where the ATV trail was, she directed me to the SNOWMOBILE map on the wall. I realize it is our responsibility to know where to go. But if we want to attract tourism to the UP we need to do a better job of signing to keep people where they need to be.

 

•    Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!
•    How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.
•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
•    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
•    I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.
•    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
•    I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can
stop any time.
•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but
I’d never met herbivore.
•    When chemists die, they barium.
•    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can’t put it down.
•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words.
•    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.
•    I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn’t control her pupils?
•    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
•    Broken pencils are pointless.
•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
•    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
•    Velcro – what a rip off!
•    Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.