Archive for May 17, 2016


Weather: Sunshine.

Fishing reports are not too bad. Nothing special or amazing but for the most part people are catching fish. The new 13 inch limit is helping too. At least now when only the smaller fish are biting, you still have enough for a meal. Well it might take a couple of trips out in the boat, some of those fishermen are pretty good size.

“Daddy, where did I come from?” seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” the mom asks. “Not really,” the little girl says. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”


Weather: Could be worse.

High 40’s today then back up into the 60s & 70s. I haven’t heard too much about the fishing, seen a lot of boats out in front of Mom’s house though. I had a good day, lots of bush lights yesterday while I was dodging those little black flies. I’m working today so maybe I’ll hear how people are doing out on the Lake.

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

“Mom” he asked, “are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” she replied.

Opening Day of Walleye

Weather: Sunshine and Lollipops.

Beautiful morning with the Sun just a shining. Good luck to all the fishermen out there. And look on the bright side, with the 37 degrees this morning your beer will stay cold. The DNR lowered the limit so now you can keep 2 fishes 13-15 inches.

Becker and I fished off the dam this morning,

girl at dam

But we had to leave early cause Wilber and Woodchuck kept trying to fish in our spot.

guys fishing


Weather: Snow, yep fricken snow.

So what happens on Friday the 13th in the UP? You wake up the next day to a beautiful snow covered lawn. Happy fishing tomorrow fishermen. The Walleyes are laughing at you.


Subject: Mayonnaise historical fact

Did you know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.  The ship hit an iceberg and sank. 

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as – Sinko De Mayo.


WHAT???  You expected something educational from me? You need a shot of Tequila.


Weather: A few 40 degree day.

Chance of snow Saturday, then back to normal temps.

Uncle Twinkle Toes and I went down to Fish Tales last night to help them open up for the Summer. All we opened though were a bunch of beer bottles.

Dead Penguins – I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica
Where do
they go?

Wonder no more It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?


Weather: All over the charts.

40’s for a few days. Nice weather for opening day. Worst part is I have a very good customer that wants me to take his wife out fishing. I hate fishing, it is boring, worms are slimy and if you do catch a damn fish your hands end up stinking. But he is a very good customer so me being Mr. Nice Guy I agreed to take her out on the pontoon boat so she could fish.



Two Trees and a Woodpecker  
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it,
but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A smaller tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is that tree a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.  The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that tree is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’ 

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies,
‘It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.  It is,  however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.’


Weather: Gloomy.

Gloomy today and snow showers Saturday LOL. Life in the UP. Well maybe that will lift the burning ban and we can get back to building a fire and drinking beer. I got some steaks coming from Vollwerths I want to try out.

Walleye season opens up Sunday and the DNR has lowered the limit where you now can keep 2 fish between 13 & 15″. Hopefully that will bring a few more fishermen to the area this year. We could use the business, it has been pretty damn slow since the first week of March.

Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota .
The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole’s said,’Ole…What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You’re naked.’ 
‘Yah, I know,’ said Ole. ‘You see, I vas over to dat ‘playboy’ Swen’s for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.’ ‘Is that right?’, his policeman friend asked.
‘Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, ‘Everybody get into the bedroom!  ‘So vee all go into the bedroom….where den he yells, ‘Everybody git naked!’ ‘Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, ‘Everybody go to town!’
I guess I’m the first one here!


Weather: Sunny.

We put Mom’s screened house up last weekend. I got a surprise when I looked at the web cam yesterday. The roof of the screen house is right in the view of the camera. Opps. Well I figured what happened was, I didn’t get the camera set up at Mom’s house last year, until late in the fall when we already took down the screened in house. We are thinking about building a new screened house that attaches to the house, if we do I will have to move the camera anyway. I’ll get it figured out by the end of summer.

Having Internet problems today, it is taking me a while to get this post out. Come on Charter………..

A little boy said to his mother,

“Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white?”

His mother replied, “Don’t even go there, Barack!

From what I can remember about that party,

You’re lucky you don’t bark!”




Weather: Sunny.

Looks like I forgot to post on Friday. Opps that 80 degree weather got me rushing outside and I forgot to hit publish. And you probably thought I was just hung over.

It was a beautiful weekend in the UP. Even those little black flies couldn’t spoil the fun. It was just windy enough to keep them at bay. Brother Mark came in from Duluth for Mother’s Day so Mom was very happy.

You  know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new  programs.
In  a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter, seeking the main Cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might Have some theories on the matter.
This TRUE interview went as  follows:
  The  lady reporter:  I am here to collect information on the possible Sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said:  Did you know that a bull mounts A cow only once a year?
Reporter:  (obviously  embarrassed): Well, sir, that’s a new piece of Information
But what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?
Farmer:  Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?
Reporter:  Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting To the point?
Farmer: I am getting to the point, Miss. Just imagine, if I was playing with Your tits twice a day  …. And only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you Get mad?



Weather: Sunny.

Beautiful weather ahead of us. 80 tomorrow and a Sloppy Hoppy or 2. Gonna take an atv ride to Kenton. Might even get a little yard work in today, with a lot of emphasis on the little.

Gus was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

That same day Gus went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to Becky. At home, he found Becky was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position. Gus, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, Gus went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”

“Well, not as I’d expected. When I fired the pistol, Becky shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.”